The other night I had some quiet time and I was studying and listening to Jesus Culture pandora station. I wasn't feeling like myself and the thoughts that were running through my mind focused on my feelings, desires, hope for my future and a major problem I was dealing with. I stopped reading and asked God, " DO you care at all about what I want?" I am sure he must have been like, " Who does she think she is talking to?" I was utterly frustrated and at the point of just giving up. "Can you see how frustrated and broken I am Lord? I am trying to walk with you. I see so many things happening for people who don't even believe in you , have you forgotten me? At least I am actually TRYING! Why can't I feel you anymore, hear you? Am I missing something? SHOW ME. SPEAK TO ME. You did it before, Please do it again."
I laid in bed for about 10-20 minutes waiting to hear from him or for someone to call me or something! I had tears in my eyes at this point. I decided to go to bed once I didn't feel any change or read something in the bible that stood out to me. (I am pretty sure I read a lot of scriptures that were for me, but my spirit was not into it like before). As i took the light off, went under the covers and closed my eyes this simple thought came to mind, for the first time. " He cares about your desires. He feels and is broken knowing you feel this way, but he cares way more about YOU. He cares about YOU more than what you want."
I think at times we get so caught up in what we think we want or need that we forget that God really knows best. As much as he hates to see his children in pain, broken, lonely, frustrated and hurting, he will not give us our desire or request if it is bad for us or the wrong timing. All we see is a page at a time, maybe not even a page.. we see a line :). God has access to the entire story. He wrote the script. Trust his timing. Is it hard? Yes. Will you feel down at times? Perhaps. Will you fall and make a mistake based on a feeling? You may. Will it be hard to trust? It may be. But, when you do experience all these things and trusting God is hard, be honest with him. Talk to him. Tell him how you are feeling. Pour out to him. I know you want to run. Trust me. I have been there. Sometimes I still run from God. I would know I need to talk to him about something, but either because of guilt or disappointment in the fact that I failed to trust him completely and hold on to my faith, I would avoid going to him in prayer. It is silly, because he already knows how we feel and our thoughts. Trust me, there is nothing you can confess to Jesus that would make him love you less. If you have difficulty trusting him ever, say this prayer.
Lord,
I can't do this on my own. I want to trust your timing. I know you are in control, but I just don't feel it. Help me not to rely on my feelings, but rather rest in your promises to me and your word. I want to trust you more. My faith is weak. Help me Jesus. Thank you for your grace, mercy and love which continues to shower me. I love you, help me to be more obedient to show my love. In Jesus name I pray. Amen.
Be blessed.
True satisfaction comes from knowing that what we are doing is part of God's purpose for our life..
Friday, January 25, 2013
Sunday, January 6, 2013
Christian, Woman and Still Single?
My Daughter,
You are right where you are supposed to be. So many people
have theories and insights on how couples are to come together and the
truth is that many miss it by interpreting what they want rather than
what I choose. A man pursuing…a girl refusing, these are not necessarily
the optimal conditions for mate selection. Adam did not “pursue” the
Woman, nor did she spend her time creating ways to make it challenging
for him to do so. Just like one’s purpose or date of birth and death, it
is I who determines the “who, when, and where” of authentic and
spirit-led matrimony and intimacy. It is the responsibility of both
parties to follow as I, and I only lead.
You are not waiting on some man to “get his act together”
or “see you for who you really are”, and no matter how it may appear to
you in the physical realm, in the spiritual sense, “he” is right on
schedule; my schedule. You are not to be listening to what man says, no
matter what form the voice may reveal itself (media, tradition,
statistics, naysayers, etc.). Remember, I decided when it was time for
Adam to receive the miracle of female assistance and so if you have an
issue with physical time, don’t take that up with anyone other than me;
even then, know that I have your best interest at heart. Far too many of
my daughters are consuming themselves with fear and anxiety about
things that are really none of their concern. My ways are not your ways
and until I unite you with the one you are purposed to benefit, his
whereabouts and activities are not to be a priority to you. If you have
not been joined to him yet, it’s simply because it’s not the right
moment. He is not ready and neither are you. There are finishing touches
that must be placed on you both and no matter how you may feel or what
you might think, I am a God of order. I will not be pressured to move
outside of my plan.
I know it must be hard. Flesh never likes to submit to my
will. But please let me continue to mold you. Before you ever existed,
you were hand-selected for someone and that has not changed. As the
Creator, I am excited about my handiwork. Don’t go looking for answers
to questions you are not able to conceptualize or present in a way that
will intimidate me to react or respond. As I did with your parents, let
me have the pleasure of presenting you as a gift to your mate. Ask your
mother and father if they will ever forget the first time they saw your
face. I want “him” to experience a similar thrill. If you want to
channel out your energies, get excited about how excited I am about you;
about how blessed I know he will be to have you!
Again, don’t concern yourself about the time. I am
timeless. Concern yourself instead with remaining in my hands so that I
can perfect you to be all that he needs— so that when it’s the right
moment, there will be no fear, no hesitation, no question that you are
indeed the one that he is meant to live out the rest of his days on the
earth with. Far too many women are not praised on their wedding day by
their husbands in the way I would’ve liked because they did not allow me
the opportunity to complete them to be what was required, and the man
was not discerning enough to know the true purpose that his companion
was meant to serve in his life.
I want more for you. Love me enough to let me give it to
you. Just as you are to be a blessing to him, he is to be provider and
protector for you; he is to bless you as well in ways even your prayers
have yet to articulate, but in my infinite wisdom, I know you deserve.
Remember, above all else that, like faith, marriage is a
spiritual union. This is the time to remove yourself from your senses,
from what the physical is telling you and tap into your spirit. This is
when you can please me most by standing and believing that I am true to
my Word…even when you don’t see, feel or hear evidence of its
manifestation. The Spirit always moves at what you all call “light
years” ahead of the flesh. It takes it some time to catch up. (Hebrews
11:6) Be patient. (I Corinthians 13:4)
Stay in my will and I will show you the way—a way that
leads to love, bliss and happiness. A place where you will feel naked
and not ashamed…until death parts you. A place where your future husband
will restfully await you.
I love you. Be still and know. Really know. I do.
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