The other night I had some quiet time and I was studying and listening to Jesus Culture pandora station. I wasn't feeling like myself and the thoughts that were running through my mind focused on my feelings, desires, hope for my future and a major problem I was dealing with. I stopped reading and asked God, " DO you care at all about what I want?" I am sure he must have been like, " Who does she think she is talking to?" I was utterly frustrated and at the point of just giving up. "Can you see how frustrated and broken I am Lord? I am trying to walk with you. I see so many things happening for people who don't even believe in you , have you forgotten me? At least I am actually TRYING! Why can't I feel you anymore, hear you? Am I missing something? SHOW ME. SPEAK TO ME. You did it before, Please do it again."
I laid in bed for about 10-20 minutes waiting to hear from him or for someone to call me or something! I had tears in my eyes at this point. I decided to go to bed once I didn't feel any change or read something in the bible that stood out to me. (I am pretty sure I read a lot of scriptures that were for me, but my spirit was not into it like before). As i took the light off, went under the covers and closed my eyes this simple thought came to mind, for the first time. " He cares about your desires. He feels and is broken knowing you feel this way, but he cares way more about YOU. He cares about YOU more than what you want."
I think at times we get so caught up in what we think we want or need that we forget that God really knows best. As much as he hates to see his children in pain, broken, lonely, frustrated and hurting, he will not give us our desire or request if it is bad for us or the wrong timing. All we see is a page at a time, maybe not even a page.. we see a line :). God has access to the entire story. He wrote the script. Trust his timing. Is it hard? Yes. Will you feel down at times? Perhaps. Will you fall and make a mistake based on a feeling? You may. Will it be hard to trust? It may be. But, when you do experience all these things and trusting God is hard, be honest with him. Talk to him. Tell him how you are feeling. Pour out to him. I know you want to run. Trust me. I have been there. Sometimes I still run from God. I would know I need to talk to him about something, but either because of guilt or disappointment in the fact that I failed to trust him completely and hold on to my faith, I would avoid going to him in prayer. It is silly, because he already knows how we feel and our thoughts. Trust me, there is nothing you can confess to Jesus that would make him love you less. If you have difficulty trusting him ever, say this prayer.
Lord,
I can't do this on my own. I want to trust your timing. I know you are in control, but I just don't feel it. Help me not to rely on my feelings, but rather rest in your promises to me and your word. I want to trust you more. My faith is weak. Help me Jesus. Thank you for your grace, mercy and love which continues to shower me. I love you, help me to be more obedient to show my love. In Jesus name I pray. Amen.
Be blessed.
I agree. Many times I feel the same way and struggle at times like seriously God??Look at me look at what I am doing. I found that by comparing myself to others and their blessings and by doing that I miss out on what could have been MINE! But I love your prayer at the end of this blog it's a sure reminder of learning to trust God. He knows what is best for us...even better than what we think is best for us. Sometimes we come up with these crazy plans for our lives and it may not be what's really good for us.
ReplyDeleteYes!! You can say that again. It is hard because focusing on what "we feel" will always come naturally. But, the minute we realize we don't have to do it in our strength we are in a good place. Being honest with him and with ourselves is def key. Sometimes we try to act like we have it all together and say we are trusting God, when the reality is we aren't acting like it or feeling like it. It's in those moments we need to just Be still and know that he is God. Tell him how we feel, tell him what we need help with and keep pressing in his word. Feelings are fickle. They can never be what we ground our lives on. God's word remains the same.. Always!! Thanks for reading girly!! Bless you!!
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