Running on blame, living in the past!

Many times when I go about my day...I imagine God sitting on his throne watching me. When I begin to feel a certain way (and I have those days, we all do) I close my eyes, sometimes with the tears falling and I cry out to him. I imagine his arms around me. I imagine him wiping the tears from my face. I imagine him looking me in the face, whispering in my ear ever so gently...

" I love you." 

I repeat that over and over until I feel loved, until I feel him. And yes, I feel him. It's a light fluttery feeling, it's a soothing chill that runs through my body from my head to my toes. It calms me. It refreshes me and it's my reminder that he is WITH ME ALWAYS. When my thoughts tell me otherwise, when people say otherwise, when circumstances say otherwise... God's spirit reminds me that he is the ONLY Thing that is never-changing. Everything else is fickle. Jobs, people, relationships, money, emotions...fickle. 

Last night, I experienced some negative energy, thoughts everything. I had a good day. Nothing bad happened, but later that night, my mind got the best of me. I began thinking about the past. I began blaming myself for mistakes made. I began asking "what if?" Perhaps, i'd be in a different place if that *insert situation here* did not go sour. It is possible to be happy where you are or happy for someone you care about, but still experience feelings of doubt. This shocked me because I did not understand at first why I was feeling the way I was. Why did I feel so heavy? Why did I feel so ...not quite sad, but not quite happy at that moment? After much reflection, prayer and speaking about it with a trusted friend, I realized that I was still holding on to a piece, a small piece of that particular area. We have two extremes. We have those individuals who refuse to accept responsibility for ANYTHING and we have those who accept responsibility for EVERYTHING. They live on blame. Deep down they are still thinking about past mistakes and sins that God said he chooses to FORGET about.  

" I, yes I alone -will blot out your sins for my own sake and never think about them again." 

Isaiah 43:25 

Why are you thinking about something that God has let go? Why are you stressing or worrying about the "what ifs" Don't you know you serve a God who will NOT allow anything to get in the way of you fulfilling your God given purpose as long as you submit to his will? Don't you know that he said he will give you the desires of your heart if you delight in him? If you get to know him? If you obey his will for your life and fall utterly and completely in love with him? Do you really believe that you could have messed up your future? 

What God has for you is for you! Claim it. Believe it and REST. 

Psalm 55: 22 says, " Give your burdens to the Lord and he will take care of you. He will not permit the godly to slip and fall." You were not built to carry the self-blame, the worry, the pain, the past hurts, the loneliness or whatever else you may feel. I do not know everything you've been through, but I do know that Jesus is asking you to come to him. "Come to me ALL who are weary and heavy burdened." He did not say, "those who never made mistakes, or those who have REALLY big problems." he said "ALL". That includes YOU! Whenever I find myself worrying,stressing out or living in my past, I imagine Jesus with tears in his eyes. "Why is she carrying a burden that she cannot carry alone? Why is she living in the past? Doesn't she remember that I made her new. The old her is gone. My spirit LIVES in her. " I believe he says something similar to all of us who struggle with letting go or worrying. Can you feel him? Take a moment...seriously... open your bible...turn on some low worship music...and before you dive in...pray...pour out to him and WAIT. Wait for the chills, wait for his calming, gentle spirit. 

The apostle Paul said in Philippians 3:12 says, 

" I don't mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have already reached perfection. But I press on to possess that perfection for which Christ Jesus first possessed me. No dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing FORGETTING the past and LOOKING FORWARD to what lies ahead."  

At times I used to beat myself up when I felt a little sad or disappointed that something that probably should not bother me, bothered me. You may ask yourself, Why am I crying? Why does this still hurt? You may not have arrived or be where you want to be in life, financially, in love, spiritually...but one thing you need to do is forgetting the past and looking forward to the future that God promised you and it will be GOOD! He does not withhold any good thing from those whose walk is blameless. (psalm 84: 11) 

I felt pretty down last night.. I will be honest I did. However, I pressed into God's word 10 times harder. I prayed longer. I cried to HIM. I went to him FIRST. I was honest with him and how I felt. I asked him to consume me with his love so I would not feel the way I did. I asked him to give me the burning desire to know him in a way I have never known before. We can settle for mediocre relationship with God where we visit him at church and say he is good bla bla ...or we can fall passionately in love with him when we TRULY get to know WHO HE IS! I want that passionate relationship. I want to know who he is. I want to learn his ways. I want to recognize his will more clearly. I want to hear his voice. I want more of him and less of me. Once we shift our focus off of ourselves and our situations and back to where it belongs ....on HIM...we'll look up and ask ourselves, " Why was I feeling down again?" 

God wants you. Ask him to give you a heart that wants him ...more of him..too. 

xoxo 

Are you discerning?

The top three things I pray for (when I pray for myself) are wisdom, self-control and discernment. I was led to write about discernment tonight. Discernment is so important. Discerning good from bad,long term from short term and godly advice from Satan's will etc.(it's not always easy. We may think that Satan's advice may be horrible and clear cut e.g killing someone, however the bible says that Satan masquerades himself as an angel of light (2 Corinthians 11:14-15) Everything that appears good, moral and attractive is not necessarily. This has been one of my areas of growth. I had a hard time with it and to this day, it's still not my strongest quality, hence why I pray for more of it continuously. 

The merriam-webster dictionary defines discernment as "the quality of being able to grasp  and comprehend what is obscure, an act of perceiving" which could also be summed up as the "ability to judge well".  

We need discernment not only in our spiritual lives, but it is also needed in business, friendships and relationships, and finances. You should not go into business with just anybody, you should not get emotionally involved or invested with everyone who expresses interest and you can't go around buying everything that promises results or even has a good price! It's more than how they/it looks on paper or even if it worked for someone else, will it work for you? Is it something God is leading you to do? 

Spiritually, we tend to want to feed on encouragement. Now don't get me wrong, God's word states that we are to uplift, love and encourage, however our encouragement should always align with God's words. The two can't contradict. As much as I may love a person, I won't encourage them to go along and steal something they want, simply because they "Feel" like doing it because stealing is wrong. I want them to feel convicted about the matter and I would advise them against it. Many times we want others to feed us what we "Want" to hear, rather than what we "need" to hear. So discernment is needed in the messages we allow our brains to reflect on through regular conversations and by preachers. Yes, we should be uplifted and encouraged, but not at the expense of continuing down a destructive path. A good preacher or someone who truly loves you will give you the balance of both. You will be loved, but you also will be told the truth. So having discernment in our spiritual lives is key. Questions to ask yourself, does this teaching or advice confirm scripture or go against it? Does this person have fruit of spirit in their own lives?

1 john 4:1 reads (new living translation version) "Dear friends, do not believe everyone who claims to speak by the Spirit. You must test them to see if the spirit they have comes from God. For there are many false prophets in this world. " 

So what's the first step in using discernment? TESTING! Even God tests us. He tested the Israelites when he freed them from Egypt several times, he tested Abraham and many others (he also tests us ) so why shouldn't we do the same? Testing is not a bad thing, it's all about the purpose and the ways it is done. Testing done by us requires observation, being still and seeking God's will through prayer and reading his word. That's it. So no you don't have to tell Jimmy boy or Jamie girl " I can't go out with you because I have to test you first " LOL please don't. You don't have to say anything honestly, you observe him or her and look for the qualities you seek in a partner in his/her life. Quite frankly, way too many people jump into relationships (I was guilty of this) without knowing what the person is all about before giving them your body, heart, time and energy. Then 8 months into the relationship you are saying "They changed!" No they did not. That's who they always were. But you can't see that when you are running on emotions, bringing in sex and not seeking counsel from trusted people while speaking with them and observing them from behind the scenes! But that's another blog ( and my book.,. I am in the process of writing! pray for me!:) ) 

Paul's prayer in Philipians 1:9-10 was this: And it is my prayer that your love may abound more and more, with knowledge and all discernment, so that you may approve what is excellent, and so be pure and blameless for the day of Christ. 

Discernment helps us approve the excellent from the not so excellent. Wouldn't it save you pain, hurt and drama if we made decisions in our lives through discernment rather than our emotions, what your friends were doing, what you're used to doing and based on what looks good? Wouldn't it just be easier to do things God's way and avoid testing our your way and Tom and Susie's way first? I wish i did. Yes, i learned a lot from my mistakes and hurt, but at some point we need to change our way of doing things and save ourselves the time! I don't have the TIME to waste anymore. I don't want to "try" this out and see if it works. I need to know that it is God ordained and it's his calling for MY Life. If God is not in it, i DO NOT NEED it. I may WANT it. I may want it really bad, but that's where my prayer for self-control comes in. Self-discipline gives us the strength to say No, I will pass, I will wait, I will pray, I cannot do this until I hear from God...etc.

My prayer for you tonight reading this is that you will seek God's will in ALL areas of your life. Many times we want God's hand on our finances ( I pray to be financially well so I can give to others in need as well) but we don't want his hand in our relationships or social life because we are not quite ready to let go of some things we KNOW need to go. I want to encourage you today to seek him first. I want you to understand that his strength is perfected in your weaknesses. I want you to love yourself enough to STOP wasting your time and ending up in hurtful situations. I want you to experience God's love and grace that CAN and WILL consume you if you just make yourself available to him. I pray for wisdom, self-discipline and discernment in your life. He loves you right where you are.... Speak to him tonight and ask him to help you. xoxo 

He keeps looking out for ME!

This week I found myself thinking back to all the ways God has kept me throughout the years. From placing the right people in my life at the right time to getting me out of sticky situations and literally saving my life! Heartbreaks, car accidents, close calls, friendships, relationships, finances and career...His hands are on my life and I am so very thankful. Where would I be without his love and grace? Who would I be if Christ hadn't died and rose again?

Not only has God guided and protected me, but he spoke to me and continues to speak to me (sometimes not as much although that could be my fault, but he does). He speaks, he nudges, and he encourages me NOT to be afraid when my flesh is screaming "YOU CANNOT DO THIS!" I can be a huge punk at times (still a G though, don't mess :) ), but I am reminded that God repeatedly told his people NOT to be afraid, be brave and courageous and Jesus comforted his disciples as well. He told them not to be troubled. God does not want me to live a life based in fear and honestly that's how I lived. For a long time I operated on fear rather than love. Fear that I would fail, fear that I will never experience true love, fear that my dad would die and I'd have to live life without him. Fear was the easiest thing for me to hold on to in tough situations. It's that way for most of us. It takes self-discipline and strength to hold on to his Word when our emotions and thoughts get a hold of us. For a long time, I was a weak little thing.

What's interesting to me, what I spent a lot of time thinking about this week, is this:

God kept me even when I was not clinging to him.

God spoke to me even when I did not recognize his voice. 

When I was younger I was home alone during the afternoon (My family moved to live on the property where my dad worked so My father was busy on the property probably near the beach house and my mom was at the main house (the property had a few cottages and a main house)) I was in my room listening to music. All of a sudden, I got the sudden urge to LEAVE. I am teary eyed just thinking about it. I had no intention of going to the main house, but I left my room pretty quickly. I grabbed my phone and shoes and ran up to the main house where my mom and aunt were. They were surprised to see me and asked why I came up and all i could say was, " I don't know, just going to hang out for awhile something told me to come up." Not too long after we heard noise and my daddy and uncle talking and shouting. Turns out my uncle returned to the back of the house (where we lived) and found someone running out of the back door, which was now broken down. somebody BROKE IN and he got away. When I finally went back to the house the rooms were a MESS! The drawers were open, clothes scattered everywhere...including MY room. This person was obviously looking for money. 

I have no idea what would have happened if this person broke in and found me there. The thought alone scared me. After that event I refused to sleep at home for a few weeks (it was summer) and I never wanted to be home alone without my daddy ever again! That urge I got to leave was GOD. At the time I didn't really know it. I went to church etc. but I did not have a relationship with him personally. It comforts me to know that even though I was not, he still loved me enough to protect me and keep me safe. He did the same in my car accident. He is so faithful. I know I survived some crazy situations for a purpose! God-given purpose! My life is NOT my own. To him I BELONG. I give myself away to fulfill his will, his plans and his purpose for my life. 

Can you think of a time in your life where God kept you? The ones you know of. Trust me, God keeps us from dangers we don't even know about sometimes. Bad things may still happen to us and loved ones, we live in a sinful world, but rest assured, his children are promised an eternal home. The pain we suffer now is NOTHING compared to what Heaven will be like. He loves you. 

xoxo