" I love you."
I repeat that over and over until I feel loved, until I feel him. And yes, I feel him. It's a light fluttery feeling, it's a soothing chill that runs through my body from my head to my toes. It calms me. It refreshes me and it's my reminder that he is WITH ME ALWAYS. When my thoughts tell me otherwise, when people say otherwise, when circumstances say otherwise... God's spirit reminds me that he is the ONLY Thing that is never-changing. Everything else is fickle. Jobs, people, relationships, money, emotions...fickle.
Last night, I experienced some negative energy, thoughts everything. I had a good day. Nothing bad happened, but later that night, my mind got the best of me. I began thinking about the past. I began blaming myself for mistakes made. I began asking "what if?" Perhaps, i'd be in a different place if that *insert situation here* did not go sour. It is possible to be happy where you are or happy for someone you care about, but still experience feelings of doubt. This shocked me because I did not understand at first why I was feeling the way I was. Why did I feel so heavy? Why did I feel so ...not quite sad, but not quite happy at that moment? After much reflection, prayer and speaking about it with a trusted friend, I realized that I was still holding on to a piece, a small piece of that particular area. We have two extremes. We have those individuals who refuse to accept responsibility for ANYTHING and we have those who accept responsibility for EVERYTHING. They live on blame. Deep down they are still thinking about past mistakes and sins that God said he chooses to FORGET about.
" I, yes I alone -will blot out your sins for my own sake and never think about them again."
Isaiah 43:25
Why are you thinking about something that God has let go? Why are you stressing or worrying about the "what ifs" Don't you know you serve a God who will NOT allow anything to get in the way of you fulfilling your God given purpose as long as you submit to his will? Don't you know that he said he will give you the desires of your heart if you delight in him? If you get to know him? If you obey his will for your life and fall utterly and completely in love with him? Do you really believe that you could have messed up your future?
What God has for you is for you! Claim it. Believe it and REST.
Psalm 55: 22 says, " Give your burdens to the Lord and he will take care of you. He will not permit the godly to slip and fall." You were not built to carry the self-blame, the worry, the pain, the past hurts, the loneliness or whatever else you may feel. I do not know everything you've been through, but I do know that Jesus is asking you to come to him. "Come to me ALL who are weary and heavy burdened." He did not say, "those who never made mistakes, or those who have REALLY big problems." he said "ALL". That includes YOU! Whenever I find myself worrying,stressing out or living in my past, I imagine Jesus with tears in his eyes. "Why is she carrying a burden that she cannot carry alone? Why is she living in the past? Doesn't she remember that I made her new. The old her is gone. My spirit LIVES in her. " I believe he says something similar to all of us who struggle with letting go or worrying. Can you feel him? Take a moment...seriously... open your bible...turn on some low worship music...and before you dive in...pray...pour out to him and WAIT. Wait for the chills, wait for his calming, gentle spirit.
The apostle Paul said in Philippians 3:12 says,
" I don't mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have already reached perfection. But I press on to possess that perfection for which Christ Jesus first possessed me. No dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing FORGETTING the past and LOOKING FORWARD to what lies ahead."
At times I used to beat myself up when I felt a little sad or disappointed that something that probably should not bother me, bothered me. You may ask yourself, Why am I crying? Why does this still hurt? You may not have arrived or be where you want to be in life, financially, in love, spiritually...but one thing you need to do is forgetting the past and looking forward to the future that God promised you and it will be GOOD! He does not withhold any good thing from those whose walk is blameless. (psalm 84: 11)
I felt pretty down last night.. I will be honest I did. However, I pressed into God's word 10 times harder. I prayed longer. I cried to HIM. I went to him FIRST. I was honest with him and how I felt. I asked him to consume me with his love so I would not feel the way I did. I asked him to give me the burning desire to know him in a way I have never known before. We can settle for mediocre relationship with God where we visit him at church and say he is good bla bla ...or we can fall passionately in love with him when we TRULY get to know WHO HE IS! I want that passionate relationship. I want to know who he is. I want to learn his ways. I want to recognize his will more clearly. I want to hear his voice. I want more of him and less of me. Once we shift our focus off of ourselves and our situations and back to where it belongs ....on HIM...we'll look up and ask ourselves, " Why was I feeling down again?"
God wants you. Ask him to give you a heart that wants him ...more of him..too.
xoxo
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