Not only has God guided and protected me, but he spoke to me and continues to speak to me (sometimes not as much although that could be my fault, but he does). He speaks, he nudges, and he encourages me NOT to be afraid when my flesh is screaming "YOU CANNOT DO THIS!" I can be a huge punk at times (still a G though, don't mess :) ), but I am reminded that God repeatedly told his people NOT to be afraid, be brave and courageous and Jesus comforted his disciples as well. He told them not to be troubled. God does not want me to live a life based in fear and honestly that's how I lived. For a long time I operated on fear rather than love. Fear that I would fail, fear that I will never experience true love, fear that my dad would die and I'd have to live life without him. Fear was the easiest thing for me to hold on to in tough situations. It's that way for most of us. It takes self-discipline and strength to hold on to his Word when our emotions and thoughts get a hold of us. For a long time, I was a weak little thing.
What's interesting to me, what I spent a lot of time thinking about this week, is this:
God kept me even when I was not clinging to him.
God spoke to me even when I did not recognize his voice.
When I was younger I was home alone during the afternoon (My family moved to live on the property where my dad worked so My father was busy on the property probably near the beach house and my mom was at the main house (the property had a few cottages and a main house)) I was in my room listening to music. All of a sudden, I got the sudden urge to LEAVE. I am teary eyed just thinking about it. I had no intention of going to the main house, but I left my room pretty quickly. I grabbed my phone and shoes and ran up to the main house where my mom and aunt were. They were surprised to see me and asked why I came up and all i could say was, " I don't know, just going to hang out for awhile something told me to come up." Not too long after we heard noise and my daddy and uncle talking and shouting. Turns out my uncle returned to the back of the house (where we lived) and found someone running out of the back door, which was now broken down. somebody BROKE IN and he got away. When I finally went back to the house the rooms were a MESS! The drawers were open, clothes scattered everywhere...including MY room. This person was obviously looking for money.
I have no idea what would have happened if this person broke in and found me there. The thought alone scared me. After that event I refused to sleep at home for a few weeks (it was summer) and I never wanted to be home alone without my daddy ever again! That urge I got to leave was GOD. At the time I didn't really know it. I went to church etc. but I did not have a relationship with him personally. It comforts me to know that even though I was not, he still loved me enough to protect me and keep me safe. He did the same in my car accident. He is so faithful. I know I survived some crazy situations for a purpose! God-given purpose! My life is NOT my own. To him I BELONG. I give myself away to fulfill his will, his plans and his purpose for my life.
Can you think of a time in your life where God kept you? The ones you know of. Trust me, God keeps us from dangers we don't even know about sometimes. Bad things may still happen to us and loved ones, we live in a sinful world, but rest assured, his children are promised an eternal home. The pain we suffer now is NOTHING compared to what Heaven will be like. He loves you.
xoxo
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