We're Engaged!!!!!

Yes! The title says it all. Micah proposed last night (January 16th). Although I knew it was coming (the goal of our relationship was always marriage and we spent time talking about it), it's still unbelievable when it's actually happening. I can honestly say I was not expecting it last night so he did a good job throwing me off and confusing me about the actual date he would propose! 

He wrote a brief version of how we met and became a couple and although the story is basically the same; I wanted to share my version. I moved to Mississippi in August 2013 to pursue a PhD. The PhD was always the plan, but Mississippi was not. I had no interest in moving here. I remember thinking, "Lord really? Mississippi? What's in Mississippi? I'm really going to be single for the rest of my life, but your will be done!" I had given up on guys and relationships after a few unsuccessful and dysfunctional ones and I was honestly growing in my relationship with the Lord. So that was my focus! 

So I got here and went to a Pinky Promise meet and greet and met some amazing women! Eboni organized it and I'm so happy she obeyed God and did just that. She is friends with Micah and he saw pictures we took that day. Apparently he began following me on Instagram that same day, but I honestly don't remember.A few months later, he liked a picture I posted on Instagram and I went to his page when I received the notification to see who this person was. Scrolled through his timeline, saw a few selfies, friends, and a whole lotta Jesus :) so i clicked the follow button because I could see that he posted quite a few encouraging and convicting posts about God's word etc. 

We began talking here and there on Instagram, then InstaDM about scripture and sermons. There was no flirting, no compliments, nada. It was the first time I experienced a guy talking to me without ever mentioning how I looked, or asking to take me out/meet up. We spoke about sermons and Jesus. I never heard God say "this is the one" or anything like that, but I do recall being intrigued because he felt so different and the conversations he was interested in having. I truly felt like he cared about my spiritual growth as a friend. Late December/early January I noticed that he was messaging me a bit more on instadm and at this point I looked forward to hearing from him. So I gave him my number. 

Yes I did lol. Honestly, I was sick and tired of using InstaDm and I had some weirdos messaging me on the app so I wanted to delete it. We immediately transitioned to texting and later on he asked if we could meet for the first time. I felt peace about the meeting and said "sure". I remember praying before meeting him and asking God to be in the midst. I really wanted to do things differently and to please him. That first time we met we spoke for 4 hours with no awkward silences. It was amazing! The next week we had our real first date (dinner) and moved forward from there. Throughout this time we are talking (a lot) and prior to making it official he asked me to list the things that concerned me about us moving forward in a courtship. I was blown away. Who is this man Lord? Guys do these things? LOL I wrote my list, he wrote his, we talked about it, resolved any concerns etc. and agreed that we were ready for the next step! 

These past 11 months have not been easy by any means. We've had arguments, we've cried, we've been stressed, and cried out to God through it all. Relationships are work, however if two people are truly committed to something bigger than themselves it can and will work. We were both committed to Christ (still committed). We chose to love each other in those moments where one of us was unlovable because of our love for God. We are not perfect. Far from it. We need God's grace, love, and forgiveness daily, but we are committed to HIM and then to each other. He is and will always be first. 

I want to encourage ladies who may be reading this. The goal is not to find somebody like Micah, somebody like Tom, or Kyle, or whoever else. The goal should always be getting closer to God and growing in him. If you desire to be married, then the only thing you should desire is a man after God's own heart who loves him and who loves you. Don't copy others or try to turn someone you like into somebody else. God is an amazing Creator. He needs no help in that department. 

Lastly, I want to stress that Micah pursued me. We did not pursue each other and I definitely did not pursue him. I know people may say we are in 2015 and all that, but I'm not buying all that because the one time I did something different, the results changed (keepin' it real). I did not call him or text him first. I never asked him out. I did not tell him he was handsome or that I liked him. I did not let him know that I was intrigued by his conversations either. It's not about lying or playing games. It's about guarding your heart and talking to God about how you feel. I was so focused on guarding my heart that Micah waited for quite some time to even get a hug from me. After our first real date, I just said thank you so much and waved goodbye. I wanted no emotional attachment whatsoever because I had no idea how this was going to turn out. Your job during that getting to know each other phase is to observe him. Listen to him. Is he simply talking the talk? Or is he actually living it. 

Observe how he treats you and what he talks about the most as well. Micah did not want me emotionally attached to him either. As I said, there were no pet names, telling me I was beautiful or intimacy (that could mean deep secrets or physically as well), so he helped the process. He literally prayed before speaking to me or doing anything because he said he did not want to mess my life up or break my heart if he truly was not ready. That's beyond attractive to me. To think that prior to loving me, he was still loving me and protecting my heart. I want everyone who desires that to experience that, but it will mean letting some things go and doing some things differently. 

I can't wait to marry my best friend and continue this journey God has graced us with...good times and bad. Thanks for the  well wishes everyone 

All I see is $$$..

Enjoy what you have rather than desiring what you don't have. Just dreaming about nice things is meaningless-like chasing the wind. -Ecclesiastes 6:9 

These past few weeks my boyfriend, Micah (Hey babe :)) and I had talks about life, money, careers, purpose, and bills. I've said it before in blogs and I'll say it again---I can be a huge worry wart. Fear, anxiety and worry are major struggles of mine and to this day I still experience situations where I am overwhelmed and I need to practice surrendering to God daily. I don't want to present the picture that life is easy and Christians don't have problems. Life is NOT easy and Christians have problems (the enemy is like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour. 1 peter 5:8) 

During these conversations Micah reminded me that God is and will always be our ultimate Provider. Provider with a capital P because it's that serious and I think it's a truth that many individuals, many professing Christians, including myself, have a hard time comprehending. We live in a world that screams " Go get it. Get that money. You need to work your butt off. Make your own way. Open your own doors. Look out for you first. Do what makes you happy. If it does not make you money you shouldn't do it. More money equals a happier life. Money solves everything." I could go on and on. We see or hear these messages 24/7 via the media or observing the lives of individuals who "appear" to have it altogether despite the fact that God's word says otherwise. 

I have a tendency at times to think like this... If only I had or I would do this if.."If only I had X amount of money I would be able to do X, Y, or Z. I sure do hope that I get *insert whatever you desire someday here* in a few years." It may seem harmless, but this type of thinking can set you up for some serious problems, specifically discontentment and falling away from God and pursuing your own desires. Micah corrected me (and it's so important to have individuals, friends, loved ones etc. who correct us, challenge us and hold us accountable) and said, "When you say things like that you make it seem like you're chasing money. We aren't called to chase money babe. I refuse to chase money. I chase God. If God wants us to have X amount of money we will. More money in many cases means more problems. Remember that." -----My first response was to be defensive of course. That's not what I meant. I'm not chasing money! The next day during my quiet time I opened my bible and it was on the book of Ecclesiastes. I decided to stay there and just read through chapter 5 and 6. I encourage you to read the book and those chapters specifically. I was convicted and after reading, I quickly prayed, repented and shared with Micah. 

Those who love money will never have enough. How meaningless to think that wealth brings true happiness! The more you have, the more people come to help you spend it. So what good is wealth-except perhaps to watch it slip through your fingers!--Ecclesiastes 5:10-11 

Here was King Solomon, the richest man in his day, writing about money and was basically saying it was NOT the recipe for happiness. As a man who actually had money I want to believe he knew what he was talking about, not to mention he was also the wisest. If you need a more recent example, think about the celebs you follow on social media or who entertain you. Think about Robin Williams... he had money and fame and he took his own life as a result of depression. You see, money is NEVER the answer. Solomon clearly shows that throughout the books he wrote found in the bible. Chasing money, the pleasures of this world, success, fame or whatever else we've been conditioned to work hard for is meaningless--like chasing the wind. We are here today, gone tomorrow. You could get money today and die leaving it behind tomorrow. That's real. Why are you working your butt off? Is it to make lots of money? To be famous one day? To appear to have it altogether for the outside world? 

Now you may be saying, "So what Nto, I shouldn't work? The bible says a man that does not work should not eat!" You are absolutely right. Of course I am not saying you should not work. You need to work and you need money to take care of things. This post is about your heart and why you spend time doing the things you do. The Holy Spirit reminded me through his word and through Micah that a life focused on loving God and fulfilling HIS purpose far outweighs a life where I am focused on "making it" and chasing money. 

Everything has already been decided. It was known long ago what each person would be. So there's no use arguing with God about your destiny. --Ecclesiastes 6:10

You see, God is sovereign in everything. If he wants you to make only 40 grand a year that's what you're going to make. If he wants you making 100 grand a year, well that's what you're going to make. But ask yourself this, what is the purpose behind you wanting to make more money? Is it for purely selfish reasons? I want to vacation when I want to and where I want to. I want a nicer car. I want to give back more, I want to sponsor a child or children, build a church. I want to help my family more...Ask yourself. Remember God knows our hearts. In the book of James, James spoke about people praying and asking God for things for selfish reasons and expecting God to answer these prayers. Don't be that person. 

Lastly, I want to encourage anyone who is struggling with worry or financial difficulties. Rest assured that God sees you. Be content in whatever season you are in and remind yourself that God alone satisfies. He is your provider. Not your husband. Not your boss. Not that second income. God is your provider. He may USE people or avenues to accomplish his will, but HE is the one who holds your destiny. Chase him. Pursue him...not because you want his things, but because you want him. You need him. It is comforting knowing that God is sovereign and it's something I am working on in terms of reminding myself. Each day I wake up now knowing that yes, I have free will to make certain choices but God is sovereign through it all. 

Micah and I are only dating/courting right now, however we both desire to be married someday because that's God's will for our lives. We both are committed to having a marriage where although God has called him to lead and take care of our family, we know that it's God opening doors and giving us the wisdom to walk out our purpose. We will work and work as if we are working for the Lord himself, however money alone won't bring true happiness. Having money without God and his wisdom? We might as well be broke anyway. I'm praying for individuals, single, dating, married, divorced...who are struggling with worry and fear where money and status is concerned. Some of you may be having arguments or experiencing stress because of it. I pray over you regarding that as well. Dive in to the book of Ecclesiastes tonight... You won't regret it. 

Praying for you...

Mental Freedom...Where are you?

Lately I have found myself under attack. If it's one thing I've learned is this: problems don't go away simply because you're a christian. If anything, the attacks may be a little stronger. The difference is, I am no longer fighting alone. My strength is found in Jesus. However, I'm human. I cry, I get scared, I worry, I worry (yes I said that twice), I fall at times, and I care what people think...A LOT. 

Yes, I said it. Truth is, I think a lot of people care about what others think, but many pretend that they don't. Just like the people who rant and proclaim how gorgeous they are, and how great they are, are usually the ones with a great deal of insecurity issues. My struggle area (one of them) has always been people-pleasing. If everyone could be happy around me I'd love it. I have a really hard time saying "No, I can't do that," or "I really have too much on my plate right now, could you find someone else to help you?" Last semester, and even this summer, I pretty much bit off a little more than I could chew simply because I didn't know how to say no and because I don't know how to ask for help. My mother jokes around ever so often letting me know how independent I am. In my mind I am far from independent, but when I think about it some more, I really am. I would rather go without than asking for help. I'd rather suffer silently, then let someone know I'm hurting or in pain (emotionally) because I should have it together right? I mean, I have two degrees in Psychology and Counseling and I'm working on my third. If I don't have the answers who does right? ...Wrong. 

My people pleasing has a lot to do with me caring about what others think. Now to an extent, we should care about how we appear. We are (if you are a believer) a representative of Christ. However, my caring tends to go to another level...an unhealthy level...borderline obsession almost...to the point where I would rather hide in my space (room, keep my thoughts to myself etc) then go out and be seen by the public. It's me taking my introvert qualities to the extreme. I remember being in relationships in the past and saying yes to things I wanted to say no to. I remember being scared to actually rededicate my life to Christ because of what friends or people who knew some of the things I used to do would say. "Oh now, you wanna be a for real christian? you forgot when you did this x,y,z or when you encouraged me to do x,y,z?" Those thoughts and fears consumed me. I did get some backlash, I will admit. Today, not as much (probably because they see my walk with Christ is serious and not a "phase" it's been a few years :) Praise him!) But i passed those tests and I got through it. I relied on prayer and even just allowing time to pass to get through it. I was so excited when I realized the day I no longer cared what people who didn't believe in Jesus said about me. I felt like I won a medal. Thank you Jesus! I no longer worry about others. The stronghold is broken!!!! Until I realized other Christians could create those same fears...

What? It's not over? Are you telling me that I STILL have this problem? Why, Lord? Why? Now for the record, there are some believers and church groups who breathe on passing judgment and as a result of all their rules of what you can wear, do, like, listen to, or how to walk in a pair of heels...they scare unbelievers away. Heck, they scare me. But on the other hand, there are times where I feel (based on what somebody may say, or how they may look at me) that they think the worst of me or disagree with something I do or say. In other instances, our differences add to my fear and worry. I remember dreading being a pastor's wife (when someone said that could be my life). My response was instantly, "Oh I'm not pastor's wife material." Where did that come from? Several places: other believers, society, and my own fears. 

I've felt like I needed to be in a box and if I didn't do things the way other christians do things then I was wrong. I'm in tears just thinking about it because fitting in, finding acceptance, and most importantly finding love was a concern of mine. I don't know about you guys, but people can be mean. I remember being a young girl, probably like 12 years old and I was in sabbath school at church. I had a nice dress on, no sleeves and it was pretty. I loved it. An older teacher pulled me to the side and told me I shouldn't wear it again. I needed to be more covered. Note, my parents saw me leave. I left with them. Needless to say, my mom was pissed. My parents saw nothing wrong with my dress, but this "elder" in the church did. His approach was all wrong first of all, but secondly, it opened my eyes to a bunch of different things and I will never forget that feeling of being pulled to the side, being told I didn't look the part (i.e. the dress wasn't a good choice) and feeling misunderstood and wondering what all the other girls and boys thought about me that day. 

Ever so often, I still feel like that little girl. Misunderstood, a christian, but still an outcast looking in because I may not look the part or do things a little different, wondering what others think about me, scared to look them in the eye because of my fears. My fears. Paul said that his goal was to please God and if he was still pleasing men, he would not be a servant of Christ. Truth is, it's impossible to please everyone. Our focus, my focus has to be pleasing God at all times. His word says to Fear him, not man. I hope my transparency encourages someone and hey, who knows, if you have encouragement for me, please do share. It's so easy to put on masks, pretending that we have our lives all together. I learned last weekend this profound truth. 

The degree to which you are able to tell your story, is the degree to which you are able to heal-Stasi Eldredge 

I've healed in several areas. However, I still have some healing that needs to take place. We all do. Mental freedom is so necessary. Living for God and not for man. Realizing that yea, people may talk, and hey, maybe they won't. But regardless, of whether they do or not, my hope is in Jesus and not in them. Realizing that everyone won't understand me, or even agree with some of the things I do, but as long as I know I am right with God and following his guidance I will be okay. Realizing that people would say things that may hurt me, intentional and sometimes otherwise...but what God says about me is more important. He made me the way I am for a reason. My creativity or lack thereof :), My sense of humor, my interests, my love for the beach, my love for writing, my passion to work with other young women like myself...it's all for a reason, all for HIS purpose. I'm a work in progress...and with tears in my eyes.. I am growing..and will continue to grow. Be blessed and encouraged. 

xoxo 

Dear God, please make me content

How often do we ask God to make us content with what we have or don't have? I know I don't ask that very often and if you are honest with yourself, I'm pretty sure you will admit that too. Let's face it, most of our prayers sound like this:

Lord please fix this...
Dear God, can you help me so I can get ....
God I really want this raise, please help me...
Dear God I need more....
Dear God please remove this...

You get the picture right? Most of our prayers involve us requesting God's help to give us something, remove a problem or change a situation whether it involves money, bills, jobs, relationships, friends/family, careers, education etc. I definitely don't want to make it seem like you're wrong for asking for God's help in your life. Jesus himself stated that we should keep asking, seeking and knocking and we will receive what we ask for, find what we are seeking and the door will be opened (Matthew 7:7), however the bible also sheds light on what we ask for. James 4:3 says,

"When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your own pleasures." 

When I'm praying for something or for someone, I only RECENTLY tested my motive for asking. Nto why are you praying for money? What will this money be used for? Nto why are you asking God to change this situation? For whose glory? His? or yours? So I challenge you reading this to do the same. Test your motives and your heart. I love psalm 139:23. It's a prayer that we all need to pray more.

"Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life. " 

And when you pray that, with a sincere heart, be prepared for God to show you and ask him for the strength to deal with what he reveals to you. But in addition to that prayer, I also believe praying for contentment is beautiful, but so lacking. Who prays, " Lord give me a heart that's content with what I have, where I am and what you're doing"? Yea that prayer is extremely easy if you're livin' it up and things are peachy! But what happens when you have more bills than money? When the doctor's report doesn't look the greatest and where you are in your current season isn't the most comfortable? Are you saying, I should still pray for contentment? Absolutely. Why? Because it's just that. A season. Temporary. And God could be working on you, preparing you for what's ahead. But the most important reason of them all is this: You, as a believer, have a secret that unbelievers don't have when going through a difficult season. That secret is Jesus. Philippians 4:13 says, 

For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.   

This is a scripture that a lot of people misuse. Oh I am going to win this game because I can do all things through Christ. Oh i'm going to work 80 hours this week so I can make more bread..because I can do all things through Christ. Ya'll get the point. The key to reading and understanding scripture is to read the surrounding passages for context. When Paul said that he was referring to contentment. Verse 12 says, " I know what it is to be in need , AND I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being CONTENT in ANY and EVERY situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or want. " THEN, he says, I can do all things through Christ. 

So you see, the secret to finding contentment in your current situation is Jesus. As you abide in him, he gives you the strength to face, deal with and resolve any and every situation. An uncomfortable situation with Jesus as your source and strength is much better than one without him. 

Godliness with contentment is great gain (1 timothy 6:8) This world is so temporary. We spend so much time and energy worrying and chasing things with no real value. When we die, our bank account, cars, houses and degrees won't do anything for us. I pray we all find contentment in our situations this week, especially the difficult seasons. I pray that you find the courage and strength to open your hearts to God and ask him to pour out his love, wisdom, strength and peace on you. I pray your prayers change from being solely ME-ME-ME driven and become prayers of gratitude, selfless prayers, prayers that lift his name up and give him permission to work in you and your loved ones life as he sees fit. 

He's faithful in his promises. Be blessed. 

Nto 

Dear Overwhelmed

Have you ever felt like you've had enough? How about drained to the point where you want to forget everything and give up? This semester I've been extremely busy. Although I've had some exciting things happen (officially off the market :)) I've had some difficult moments. Today I sensed a break down coming if I didn't do something about it. I had a scholars' meeting today on campus and as I looked in my planner and everything I had to do for next week and the next two months; my heart began racing and I literally felt as though I was trapped in a small room and the walls were closing in on me. I had class assignments, proposals, graduate assistant assignments, research, exams and meetings on my mind. I had PLZ-SHINE responsibilities on my mind since Taja and I are trying to get the ball rolling there. I had my mom's health, finances and other concerns on my mind that would be about a page long if I began sharing them all (so I won't). "Word son, you bit off way more than you can chew." I told myself. I left the meeting smiling but inside I was crying. I was worried. I was scared and I was overwhelmed. Completely overwhelmed. Scared of failing. Scared of breaking down. Worried that I won't do well this semester. Worried about my family and friends. I was and still am overwhelmed with it all. It's a lot. A Ph.D. program is NOT easy. It's more than going to class and studying for exams.Plus, I still have a life outside of school or at least I need to have a life outside. I have friendships and relationships that need attention as well. Thankfully, I have a few understanding friends who recognize that I am doing a lot and their encouragement, prayers and love means so much to me.

I came home for a few hours and I knew I needed to get on my knees and spend time in prayer. I felt horrible. I turned on some worship music for a little bit to get my mind centered on Jesus and I closed my eyes, sang the song and stayed there for a few minutes. I began talking to God. "Lord, I need you right now. I need to feel you because right now I don't and it scares me. Why am I feeling this overwhelmed? Remind me that you are my peace. Remind me that worrying does not add a single thing to my life. I preach this to everybody else, Lord. Why am I overwhelmed right now? Help me." That was the first time really praying for myself in awhile. It was my first time being honest about how I was handling things. See I was avoiding this. I could tell I was beginning to feel overwhelmed prior to today, but I was not honest with God. I prayed for everybody else except myself. Why? Perhaps because I felt the feeling would pass. Honestly, I think it had a lot to do with me not wanting to cry during my prayer time. Being completely open and honest out loud with God has always been a struggle area: guilt from my past or feeling like he had bigger problems to deal with made me avoid coming to him on my behalf. I'd always go to him for somebody else though. Today I still prayed for my loved ones but I was honest with him and told him exactly how I felt. I cried. I'm a 24 year old Ph.D. student with some huge responsibilities, living on my own away from family and it's hard. I'm still navigating life and finding my way and learning who I am as young woman, but most importantly as a daughter of  a King. I don't have all the answers, but honestly sometimes I feel like people expect me to. I get a ton of emails daily school related and outside and finding a balance is hard. I need God's guidance, wisdom, his peace that surpasses all human understanding, his love, strength. I also wanted to know that my work won't be a waste. How do I know I'm really fulfilling my God given purpose? God are you still with me? The last thing I said during my prayer time was: " Jesus you said you don't give as the world gives. Your peace is different. You said that I should not be afraid because you've overcome this world. We were not created to be stressed out, running around,driving ourselves crazy. We were created to have a relationship with you, with others and to take care of this world you created. Help me not to stress but enjoy the blessings and people you've given to me, but please...help me because I want to give up.

After this, I wiped my eyes and turned on some music on my phone. I went to itunes and I could see that Donnie's "I stand" was going to play but it did not. It skipped and went to another song, "Nobody greater" and that skipped too. I was like okkkkk. I checked something on my phone and came back to it because it looked as though it just needed time to load up (probably a wifi issue). When I opened the app again, Smokie Norful's " I understand" began playing.....

If you don't know the song, listen to the lyrics please. It was as if God was speaking directly to me through that song. He was telling me to trust him, that he understood how I was feeling, that I should not give up and that he was preparing me. The tears began to flow. Wow God. You continue to blow my mind. I'm so thankful that he uses all avenues and people in my life to speak to me. He loves me. He sees me. He understands what I'm going through: every problem, every burden...he's still with me, even when I feel extremely overwhelmed. Do I still feel overwhelmed? Yes, I have A LOT to do. But I no longer feel alone. I know he knows that I have a lot going on. This is not a surprise to him. All my days have been written already. God does not change. He remains the same which means he is still faithful.

He helped me realize an area of growth though. Back in the day, when I was stressed out I would either sleep it off (try to), call somebody and seek help from them or hold it all in. This time when I sensed that things were getting worse, I entered his presence. I went to him first. I did not call my parents, significant other, or even a best friend and pour my feelings out to them. Not saying you shouldn't, but we need to remember that they are humans too, as frail as breath. When you're overwhelmed, stressed, worried, broken...pour your heart out to Jesus first. He is the lover of your soul and he wants us to. Come to me all who are weary with heavy burdens he said. Why is it so hard for us to do so? It's because we can't see him honestly, at least I believe so. Coming to Jesus requires faith. Faith that although we can't see him or even hear him that he is there, loving us, strengthening us, equipping us for our journey here on earth. For the rest of the semester, I am going to try really hard to remember that scripture. I need him. Every hour of the day . I can't do this without him. I don't even want to try. Praying for anyone overwhelmed today....

God bless
Nto

Classy, Purposeful and Walking in God's Favor Challenge: Hannah

Read Hannah's story in 1 Samuel chapters 1 and 2 before reading the blog :)

I figured out a way to make my blogs shorter! (Praise the Lord because I can write and talllllllk at times lol) If I let my readers read the scriptures on their own,  I won't have to go into too much detail. Why didn't I think about this before? (Don't judge me, my brain has a million things going on all at once) So let's dive in shall we. I'm excited! I love this story :)

Recap: Elkanah had two wives, Peninnah and Hannah. Penninah bore him children and Hannah did not. Penninah made fun of Hannah and treated her poorly because she was barren. What's interesting is that Elkanah loved Hannah more, but despite this, Hannah still wanted a child badly and was in deep anguish because of it. She prayed and prayed for a child and promised that she would give him back to the Lord if he blessed her with one. She got pregnant, she rejoiced and she kept her word. Her baby was called Samuel.

Have you ever wanted something badly? I'm talking about wanting something so badly that you probably had eating, sleeping and relationship difficulties because you lacked whatever it was and it was constantly on your mind. The scriptures said that Hannah was in deep anguish and prayed weeping bitterly to the Lord. She was broken. Isn't it funny that she had her husband's love but it was not enough? (but that's another post) What I want to point out and focus on for the purpose of this blog are her actions. Hannah prayed. She may have been balling her eyes out and depressed, but she prayed her heart out to God. She cried out to him. Have you ever cried out to God? Why is it that we usually use prayer as a last resort? We attempt to seek answers from everybody else or comfort from everyone else before seeking God. "But I don't hear God, he's not going to listen to me!" Really? Because my bible says that if I seek him wholeheartedly he will be found. My bible says the hairs on my head are numbered and I am worth way more than a sparrow. My bible also provides stories of Jesus healing people and bringing them back to life because he was filled with compassion when he saw them weeping. I truly believe God sees and he hears. Every bone in my body believes it, but that was not always the case. In order to know who God is we need to spend time with him, we need to pray.

I admire Hannah so much. You have no idea. Here is a woman, broken to the core, depressed, being teased and belittled all the time because she is without a child and she takes her pain and her needs to God Almighty. She does not complain to her husband. She does not fight back Penninah. She prays. She prays. She prays. Wow. Talk about a strong woman. What would you have done? In addition to humility and an attitude of obedience/servanthood (last post), I am also asking God to give me a praying spirit like Hannah. I want to be able to cry out to him, despite my tears, despite a broken heart, despite the talking behind my back or even to my face. I want to face all that by surrendering to him. I don't want to deal with all of that alone. I don't have to. The invitation is available ... Come to me all who are heavy with burdens... I will give you rest. Nothing in this world can satisfy. He is it. Trust me, i'm pretty sure I've tried everything except drugs and I've seen firsthand that drugs don't satisfy either.

In addition to a praying spirit, I think we should also ask God to give us the strength and desire to keep our word AFTER we receive what we so desperately prayed for. Let's be honest. How many times have you made a promise to God that you did not keep? If you won't be honest I will. I can think of a few things. So thankful that his grace and love knows no bounds and he forgives and gives second, third and fourth etc. chances. Hannah said she would give her son back to the Lord and she did. And guess what? He blessed her with MORE children. Praise God! He is so faithful. He blows my mind, honestly. I am still trying to understand his character. He is officially THE BEST!

This was an important challenge for me. He totally opened up my eyes awhile back. I felt him nudging me to just lay in my bed and talk to him. Like I would talk to a friend. Say it out loud, not just in my heart. "Lord, today was a rough day man. I don't feel like I can do this anymore. God why is it that my heart always ends up broken or rejected? Lord it hurts. I'm worried about....." I'm done using him as a last resort. I pray about any and everything now. I pray over my papers, my conversations with people, my safety, my family and those who hurt me. Yes, I pray for people I don't even speak to anymore. I also pray for my future family. Best believe I'm including some prayers for my future husband (Lord please give him the desire to seek you/continue seeking you) and my kids (Lord please don't let them be bad or let delivery hurt too bad, I am not eve ha! lol) I encourage you to set aside time to just pray to God this week. Each day. He wants to hear from you. He is waiting for you. He wants your heart. Seek him above all else. Cry out to him like Hannah and walk in his favor.

Love you all.
Nto

Classy, Purposeful and Walking in God's Favor Challenge: Mary, the mother of Jesus

As I sat here and thought about beginning this challenge, I was led to Mary, the mother of Jesus. How could I begin it with anybody else? This was the woman who found favor in God's eyes. What does that mean? It means God gave her special regard, he showed exceptional kindness and generosity to her because she pleased him.

Luke 1:26-38 shares the story of Mary and the angel who appeared to her and informed her about her soon to be pregnancy. I can only imagine what that must have been like. Think about it for awhile. Mary was a young woman, in the process of probably planning her wedding to Joseph. Even if she was not planning or overly excited about it, marrying him was probably her main focus during that time. As women we tend to be planners. We plan our attire, careers, and family life. Some even go as far as planning their weddings before being found by their husbands. I'm sure Mary's first mental reaction was "Woa, this was not a part of the plan. What does this angel mean by I am highly favored? What's happening here?" According to the Word, Mary asked ONE question pertaining to the news she was given, "How will this be, since I am a virgin?" Once the angel told her how, through the power of the Holy Spirit, she simply responded, "I am the Lord's servant. May your word to me be fulfilled."

WOW! That's it Mary? Sad to say, many of us would probably have asked a few more questions. If you won't be honest and admit it, I will. I would have wanted to know what people were going to say once my belly started to grow. I also would have asked the angel if God was sure he wanted me to do the job. In addition to that, what about Joseph? Will this man believe me? What will happen to my wedding? But Mary did not ask any of these questions. She accepted God's promise and pretty much said, "Alright Lord, whatever you say goes. I am available to you. "

Mary's humility is astonishing and it is a great example for all women of God. We should aspire to be have this form of humility and submission in relation to our Savior. Despite our professional jobs, high degrees (which are not bad), our first priority should always be being available to God, even if it means saying goodbye to something we wanted, something we planned for. Like Mary we too should say, "I am your servant." 

It's also important to note that Mary conceived through the power of the Holy Spirit. Many of us neglect the Holy Spirit and believe that God only manifested his strength and power in bible days. Wrong! Instead, we rely on ourselves or others to make things happen. We place all of our trust in what we have, what we know, who we know etc. Greater is he that is in you than he who is in the world. Do you remember that? Do you believe that? Don't place all your trust in your jobs, education or social status. People lose jobs like they lose pennies. It's really not promised. Trust God above all things. It does not matter at the of the day who you are. Yes, I am in a PhD program and God willing, I will be Dr. Malone (or insert married last name here if it happens) however, my title means absolutely nothing in God's eyes. He used fishermen and prostitutes (Rahab) to do his work before. God does not need my title to do big things in my life. What matters is who HE IS and because of who he is, and who I am because of HIM and ONLY HIM, I can trust that once I trust him, follow his commandments, his purpose for my life will be accomplished. The angel told Mary, "For no word from God will ever fail!" Note it, remember it and stick it wherever you need to see it everyday. God's word does not fail!

So can you be a professional, modern day, boss like lady and still have an attitude like Mary? Absolutely. It's what I am striving for. Having a spirit like Mary is simply living a life in humility and placing God's will for your life above your own and anybody else's.