My first Semester

Colossians 3:23-24

"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving." 

My first semester in my doctoral program is complete! Round of applause, say a prayer and thank Jesus!! Whew. You guys have no idea how much this program challenged me and caused me to question my capabilities and whether or not this was something I really wanted to do and most importantly whether it was God's plan for me. My biggest regret is that I did not blog throughout my studies. However, it's a learning process and next semester I will commit to blogging at least once or twice a month. Please keep me in your prayers and if you notice that I am not doing so call me out on it. Next semester will be busier than the first, but I can do all things through Christ. Plus, i truly believe he wants me to write and encourage more. My heart breaks to think that someone somewhere received encouragement through my blogs and once I stopped that encouragement could no longer be provided. 

The text I wrote above is for anyone struggling on a job, in a class, program, or struggling staying at home etc. It says whatever you do. It does not say some jobs, some titles, or A job meaning you have to be employed. It says whatever you do, work at it with all your heart as if you were working for the Creator of the Universe. Now stop for a second, if you were working for the Lord would you give your best, your worst or somewhere in between? I personally would make an effort to give my best. My job could be to clean his toilet. If it was God's toilet, I would make sure that toilet was bleached, scrubbed and smelling good. I would not complain or grumble because my focus would not be on the task itself. It would be on him. 

This semester made me question so many things. At times I found myself angry and regretting that I was here. Can you believe it? I asked God for this and the opportunity I asked him for I was complaining about. Just like we may ask God for a spouse and then we complain about the disagreements or the bad habits and make them bigger than they really need to be. As humans, we are so incredibly difficult to please. There is nothing wrong with feeling discouraged or wanting to give up. At times we will be placed in situations that are difficult to work in or people who are difficult to work with or for. But what does God's word say? It says to walk into that situation as if God was your boss. Walk into that classroom as if God was your teacher. Write that paper as if God would be grading it. Give it your all. Work hard. We tend to think that only pastors, preachers, missionaries and gospel artists are people who work for the Lord. One of the devil's lie. As a christian, you work for the Lord as a student, accountant, doctor, housewife, police officer etc. You represent Christ at all times..every day of the week. You don't even have to witness "verbally" to someone to tell them about our Savior. 

People are watching how you LIVE. They are observing how you handle difficult people, situations. They are observing how you treat someone who could do everything for you and who can do absolutely nothing for you. They are observing how you respond to them when they disrespect your Lord and say how crazy you are for believing etc. Will you respond in love? Or will you also lash out and begin a social media war with them because of disagreement? I had a disagreement with a very close friend of mine who I love dearly earlier this week. We were both so passionate about our beliefs and we kept going on and on. We are also both Christian. I know I could have handled that situation better. Perhaps he could have as well. However, the only person I am in control of is me. I should have responded lovingly to him. My thoughts and even my sarcastic comments did not represent Christ. It represented someone who was angry and disappointed that my thoughts were not being heard. 

So why should we work as if we are working for the Lord and representing him at all times? The text explains because we know (believers) we will receive our inheritance from God as our reward. At the end of the day... we are serving God when we serve others. My first semester was a success. I received good grades and I am beyond happy about that, however I have a greater reward waiting for me some day. One I look forward to receiving. I pray that regardless of the situations you may find yourself in, you will serve God. Keep those eyes focused. Pray always and remain thankful. I love you all! 

Cheers to having some free time! LOL 

xoxo 

The closer I walk with God, the closer he walks with me!

August 26th is the day! I will officially be a year older and so much has changed since my last birthday! I'm in a completely different state (I moved to Mississippi ya'll lol) and I began my doctorate program in Higher Education Administration to name a few. This past year has been exciting, scary, sad, joyful and stressful at times. Let's just say it's been an interesting ride and many things were revealed to me as I spent most of my time reflecting and growing closer to Jesus.

I made changes in my life prior to my 23rd birthday because some changes had to take place. I had highs and lows and I knew in my heart I was not fulfilling God's purpose and plan for me. For my 23rd birthday I bought a Life Application Study bible and got serious about studying God's word and I finally placed all my energy into pursuing a relationship with him instead of a guy. Now don't get me wrong, prior to this I prayed, I read scriptures here and there, I went to church and I tweeted "Thank you Lord etc." but I was not intimate with  him. I didn't "Know" him. Now I look back on situations and I can see God's hands all over it, but at the time I didn't. You'll hear me say over and over again, "He was looking out for me long before I gave him my heart." That's comforting to me. He knew that although I was not where I needed to be personally, spiritually or professionally at that time that one day I would be completely in love with him and growing as a young woman. That's why we should never be so quick to judge someone even if they are a train wreck waiting to happen. Their today is not necessarily their tomorrow. On Monday they may be okay settling and making wrong decisions but on Wednesday afternoon they may make those necessary changes. How you treat them during those train wreck moments can make a difference in who they become. Other times, it may take them hitting rock bottom before change takes place (This is usually the hardest to recover from) However, as the authors of the book "Kingdom woman" tell us (Tony Evans and Crystal Hurst) "Sometimes God allows situations that only he can fix, so that you will KNOW he is the one who fixed it."

Have you ever had a situation where you thought to yourself, " There is no way I can recover. Why even bother? I can't change. This is me. This is what I do. I'm always getting hurt or making mistakes. I have the worst luck/life ever. My heart will never be the same. I will never trust or laugh again?" I've been there. Honestly, at times I still find myself there. It's in those situations that God can truly reveal himself to you if you simply surrender. That's the thing you know. People always say, "Don't worry, God can fix it. Have faith etc." but what we fail to recognize is that we have to place ourselves in a position for him to work and do his thing. We need to SURRENDER. It's like we are drowning and gasping for air half the time but we refuse to let go of the things pulling us under. If we would just let it go. If only.

I started letting go of some things slowly but surely for the past two years. I had to learn to let go of some people, some activities, a usual way of thinking and how I viewed the world. When I blew out my candles on my birthday cake a year ago (my sister hooked me up. love her!!) I didn't make a wish, I said a prayer. I asked God to continue to reveal himself to me and make me over. I needed a complete transformation. I didn't need to make over my appearance or hair (even though I changed that often as well lol don't judge), but my heart, my mind and who I was as a young woman. I knew that if I was going to achieve all I wanted to and if I wanted to be a wife, mother and a respected professional I needed to be, think and act better. Was I a horrible person? I don't think so although some may disagree but I wasn't trying to be average or just good. I wanted to be Christ like and virtuous. I read Proverbs 31 many times, studied Ruth, Esther, Hannah, Deborah, and Mary (both of them)but most importantly, Jesus. I encourage any woman who is on a journey of walking in God's purpose to study their lives. Don't just read, but make notes and look for areas in your life where you could begin applying the same principles. The christian life is not simply a destination. It's more than accepting Jesus as your personal Lord and Savior.. It's a way of LIVING. It's DOING. It's LOVING. It gives.

So now that I am turning 24 what have I learned? I've learned that living a life that pleases God is not always easy. I've learned so much about myself after removing certain things that it's semi scary. (trust me when you surrender, some things are revealed to you. it's as if your rose colored glasses slowly come off). I've learned that regardless of the changes you make some people will STILL see the old you and test you. But as James said, consider it pure joy when you face trials. The testing of your faith will produce perseverance. I also learned that not everyone who throws some scriptures around truly knows God or desires to know him. Hence why discernment and wisdom is so important. It's okay to laugh, dress nicely and still love Jesus.

As I said, major changes this 24th birthday! I never expected to move to Mississippi of all places. It's exciting to imagine what my life would be like next birthday. It is a little scary. Not knowing how things could be is frightening. But one thing I do know is that when I draw near to God, he comes closer to me as well and knowing that gives me peace.

Looking forward to what age 24 has in store!!!!!

Be blessed!

For you

" So we don't look at the troubles we can see now, rather we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever. "

2 Corinthians 4:11 

I want you to stop reading this for a second and read the entire chapter (chapter 4) if you don't want to read it before reading this, at least read it after. Oh how difficult it is to hold on to hope when facing troubles. At times we look around at our situation, troubles and trials we face and we want to give up. We want to stop trying, stop fighting...sometimes even...stop living. As a professional trained in psychology and counseling I have seen it. Unfortunately, many people either don't want to talk about the fact that they may have suicidal thoughts because of embarrassment or fear of appearing weak. Many people have thoughts about "not waking up" more than you think... it's an issue that needs to be addressed and talked about. But that's another blog. 

Life is not easy. I wish it was at times. There are many times I too feel like giving up. As I sit here and write this after reflecting on a conversation I had with a friend earlier I recall my broken moments. The days it was impossible for me to eat because I cried so much. The nights I tossed and turned because turning my brain off was seemingly impossible. The nights I took sleep aids to get some rest. The days I wish I could just sleep., curled up on the living room floor in tears because the burden was too heavy and I did not know where to begin. The moments I hated looking at myself in the mirror because all I saw was sin, mistake after mistake, rejection and hurt. I look at my life now and although it is FAR from perfect, I have seen so much growth and improvement. Nobody but God. My heart goes out to anyone who is hurting tonight and I know someone, somewhere feels like giving up. 

Maybe you are walking with Christ or trying to and you feel like you are not good enough. Your sin is too great, your past too dirty to make changes. Maybe you are looking at other people's walk and unhappy with yourself because you are not there yet (wherever they are or appear to be) or maybe you are struggling with being "perfect" and pleasing everyone around you. Perhaps you are struggling with emotions or just downright sick and tired of living in this world. Feelings of frustration, stress, guilt, being overwhelmed are consuming you. 

The battle has already been won. Nobody can destroy what God has already accomplished in you. I repeat, NOBODY and NOTHING can destroy what God has already accomplished in you and wants to DO IN YOU, WITH YOU and FOR YOU. REST. Our heavenly father sent his one and only Son for us! Because of him we can fix our eyes on something we cannot see during our hard times...spending eternity with him someday. We have to remember that our troubles we face now will not last forever. Greater is he that is in you. Repeat it over and over until it sticks. 

If all of our lives were perfect there would be no need for faith. At times I believe God allows certain things to take place and for us to feel a certain way so that we can remember that we NEED him...that he and he alone should be what we depend on the most. At times i get lonely (not as often now..but every once in awhile I do) I feel like nobody is listening to me or I don't quite know if I am being helpful or showing others the love of Christ. However, we can never see the seed that we plant as it grows. But one day... it becomes a plant..and we see it emerge.Praise God! You may think that you have not made progress. Quit looking at everyone else around you including your trials and keep those eyes focused on Jesus and your future home. It brings me such peace imagining my mansion up in heaven! Pure joy! 

Is it easy? Heck no! But just because it's not easy does that mean you should not try and do it? Absolutely not! It's time for us to quit living based on how we feel and start living on what we know! And what do you know? If you are a believer you know that Christ came and died for you. You know that he promised he will return for you to take you home. You know that God said, never will he leave you nor forsake you. You know that he honors those who honor him and no good thing he withholds from those whose walk is blameless. You know that he loves you...oh how he LOVES YOU! Cling to him. Cry out to him. There are many times when I get in my bag *taja voice* I talk to him real. It's always done in reverence but i'm honest..." Lord, I am really lonely right now, but i don't want to turn to anyone else in my loneliness...help me to turn to you." 

Why are we hiding from our Creator? Why can't we come to him as we are...broken, humiliated, rejected, stressed out, a train wreck, lonely and humbly bow down at his feet and say "MAKE ME OVER!" "Take the mess and junk from inside of me and pour more of YOU LORD into ME. I want YOU. ALL of YOU. " Heads hung low, hands raised high.. in total submission before the Father...thanking him for all he's done, all he's doing and what he's ABOUT TO DO! Because he wants to do some MAJOR things in you, with you and for you. Stay available. Open your heart. Tell the holy spirit to feed you. Abide in him and in his word NOT In your troubles, NOT in how you feel and NOT in what you SEE. Believe it. Believe him... I am praying for you. 

xoxo 

Running on blame, living in the past!

Many times when I go about my day...I imagine God sitting on his throne watching me. When I begin to feel a certain way (and I have those days, we all do) I close my eyes, sometimes with the tears falling and I cry out to him. I imagine his arms around me. I imagine him wiping the tears from my face. I imagine him looking me in the face, whispering in my ear ever so gently...

" I love you." 

I repeat that over and over until I feel loved, until I feel him. And yes, I feel him. It's a light fluttery feeling, it's a soothing chill that runs through my body from my head to my toes. It calms me. It refreshes me and it's my reminder that he is WITH ME ALWAYS. When my thoughts tell me otherwise, when people say otherwise, when circumstances say otherwise... God's spirit reminds me that he is the ONLY Thing that is never-changing. Everything else is fickle. Jobs, people, relationships, money, emotions...fickle. 

Last night, I experienced some negative energy, thoughts everything. I had a good day. Nothing bad happened, but later that night, my mind got the best of me. I began thinking about the past. I began blaming myself for mistakes made. I began asking "what if?" Perhaps, i'd be in a different place if that *insert situation here* did not go sour. It is possible to be happy where you are or happy for someone you care about, but still experience feelings of doubt. This shocked me because I did not understand at first why I was feeling the way I was. Why did I feel so heavy? Why did I feel so ...not quite sad, but not quite happy at that moment? After much reflection, prayer and speaking about it with a trusted friend, I realized that I was still holding on to a piece, a small piece of that particular area. We have two extremes. We have those individuals who refuse to accept responsibility for ANYTHING and we have those who accept responsibility for EVERYTHING. They live on blame. Deep down they are still thinking about past mistakes and sins that God said he chooses to FORGET about.  

" I, yes I alone -will blot out your sins for my own sake and never think about them again." 

Isaiah 43:25 

Why are you thinking about something that God has let go? Why are you stressing or worrying about the "what ifs" Don't you know you serve a God who will NOT allow anything to get in the way of you fulfilling your God given purpose as long as you submit to his will? Don't you know that he said he will give you the desires of your heart if you delight in him? If you get to know him? If you obey his will for your life and fall utterly and completely in love with him? Do you really believe that you could have messed up your future? 

What God has for you is for you! Claim it. Believe it and REST. 

Psalm 55: 22 says, " Give your burdens to the Lord and he will take care of you. He will not permit the godly to slip and fall." You were not built to carry the self-blame, the worry, the pain, the past hurts, the loneliness or whatever else you may feel. I do not know everything you've been through, but I do know that Jesus is asking you to come to him. "Come to me ALL who are weary and heavy burdened." He did not say, "those who never made mistakes, or those who have REALLY big problems." he said "ALL". That includes YOU! Whenever I find myself worrying,stressing out or living in my past, I imagine Jesus with tears in his eyes. "Why is she carrying a burden that she cannot carry alone? Why is she living in the past? Doesn't she remember that I made her new. The old her is gone. My spirit LIVES in her. " I believe he says something similar to all of us who struggle with letting go or worrying. Can you feel him? Take a moment...seriously... open your bible...turn on some low worship music...and before you dive in...pray...pour out to him and WAIT. Wait for the chills, wait for his calming, gentle spirit. 

The apostle Paul said in Philippians 3:12 says, 

" I don't mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have already reached perfection. But I press on to possess that perfection for which Christ Jesus first possessed me. No dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing FORGETTING the past and LOOKING FORWARD to what lies ahead."  

At times I used to beat myself up when I felt a little sad or disappointed that something that probably should not bother me, bothered me. You may ask yourself, Why am I crying? Why does this still hurt? You may not have arrived or be where you want to be in life, financially, in love, spiritually...but one thing you need to do is forgetting the past and looking forward to the future that God promised you and it will be GOOD! He does not withhold any good thing from those whose walk is blameless. (psalm 84: 11) 

I felt pretty down last night.. I will be honest I did. However, I pressed into God's word 10 times harder. I prayed longer. I cried to HIM. I went to him FIRST. I was honest with him and how I felt. I asked him to consume me with his love so I would not feel the way I did. I asked him to give me the burning desire to know him in a way I have never known before. We can settle for mediocre relationship with God where we visit him at church and say he is good bla bla ...or we can fall passionately in love with him when we TRULY get to know WHO HE IS! I want that passionate relationship. I want to know who he is. I want to learn his ways. I want to recognize his will more clearly. I want to hear his voice. I want more of him and less of me. Once we shift our focus off of ourselves and our situations and back to where it belongs ....on HIM...we'll look up and ask ourselves, " Why was I feeling down again?" 

God wants you. Ask him to give you a heart that wants him ...more of him..too. 

xoxo 

Are you discerning?

The top three things I pray for (when I pray for myself) are wisdom, self-control and discernment. I was led to write about discernment tonight. Discernment is so important. Discerning good from bad,long term from short term and godly advice from Satan's will etc.(it's not always easy. We may think that Satan's advice may be horrible and clear cut e.g killing someone, however the bible says that Satan masquerades himself as an angel of light (2 Corinthians 11:14-15) Everything that appears good, moral and attractive is not necessarily. This has been one of my areas of growth. I had a hard time with it and to this day, it's still not my strongest quality, hence why I pray for more of it continuously. 

The merriam-webster dictionary defines discernment as "the quality of being able to grasp  and comprehend what is obscure, an act of perceiving" which could also be summed up as the "ability to judge well".  

We need discernment not only in our spiritual lives, but it is also needed in business, friendships and relationships, and finances. You should not go into business with just anybody, you should not get emotionally involved or invested with everyone who expresses interest and you can't go around buying everything that promises results or even has a good price! It's more than how they/it looks on paper or even if it worked for someone else, will it work for you? Is it something God is leading you to do? 

Spiritually, we tend to want to feed on encouragement. Now don't get me wrong, God's word states that we are to uplift, love and encourage, however our encouragement should always align with God's words. The two can't contradict. As much as I may love a person, I won't encourage them to go along and steal something they want, simply because they "Feel" like doing it because stealing is wrong. I want them to feel convicted about the matter and I would advise them against it. Many times we want others to feed us what we "Want" to hear, rather than what we "need" to hear. So discernment is needed in the messages we allow our brains to reflect on through regular conversations and by preachers. Yes, we should be uplifted and encouraged, but not at the expense of continuing down a destructive path. A good preacher or someone who truly loves you will give you the balance of both. You will be loved, but you also will be told the truth. So having discernment in our spiritual lives is key. Questions to ask yourself, does this teaching or advice confirm scripture or go against it? Does this person have fruit of spirit in their own lives?

1 john 4:1 reads (new living translation version) "Dear friends, do not believe everyone who claims to speak by the Spirit. You must test them to see if the spirit they have comes from God. For there are many false prophets in this world. " 

So what's the first step in using discernment? TESTING! Even God tests us. He tested the Israelites when he freed them from Egypt several times, he tested Abraham and many others (he also tests us ) so why shouldn't we do the same? Testing is not a bad thing, it's all about the purpose and the ways it is done. Testing done by us requires observation, being still and seeking God's will through prayer and reading his word. That's it. So no you don't have to tell Jimmy boy or Jamie girl " I can't go out with you because I have to test you first " LOL please don't. You don't have to say anything honestly, you observe him or her and look for the qualities you seek in a partner in his/her life. Quite frankly, way too many people jump into relationships (I was guilty of this) without knowing what the person is all about before giving them your body, heart, time and energy. Then 8 months into the relationship you are saying "They changed!" No they did not. That's who they always were. But you can't see that when you are running on emotions, bringing in sex and not seeking counsel from trusted people while speaking with them and observing them from behind the scenes! But that's another blog ( and my book.,. I am in the process of writing! pray for me!:) ) 

Paul's prayer in Philipians 1:9-10 was this: And it is my prayer that your love may abound more and more, with knowledge and all discernment, so that you may approve what is excellent, and so be pure and blameless for the day of Christ. 

Discernment helps us approve the excellent from the not so excellent. Wouldn't it save you pain, hurt and drama if we made decisions in our lives through discernment rather than our emotions, what your friends were doing, what you're used to doing and based on what looks good? Wouldn't it just be easier to do things God's way and avoid testing our your way and Tom and Susie's way first? I wish i did. Yes, i learned a lot from my mistakes and hurt, but at some point we need to change our way of doing things and save ourselves the time! I don't have the TIME to waste anymore. I don't want to "try" this out and see if it works. I need to know that it is God ordained and it's his calling for MY Life. If God is not in it, i DO NOT NEED it. I may WANT it. I may want it really bad, but that's where my prayer for self-control comes in. Self-discipline gives us the strength to say No, I will pass, I will wait, I will pray, I cannot do this until I hear from God...etc.

My prayer for you tonight reading this is that you will seek God's will in ALL areas of your life. Many times we want God's hand on our finances ( I pray to be financially well so I can give to others in need as well) but we don't want his hand in our relationships or social life because we are not quite ready to let go of some things we KNOW need to go. I want to encourage you today to seek him first. I want you to understand that his strength is perfected in your weaknesses. I want you to love yourself enough to STOP wasting your time and ending up in hurtful situations. I want you to experience God's love and grace that CAN and WILL consume you if you just make yourself available to him. I pray for wisdom, self-discipline and discernment in your life. He loves you right where you are.... Speak to him tonight and ask him to help you. xoxo 

He keeps looking out for ME!

This week I found myself thinking back to all the ways God has kept me throughout the years. From placing the right people in my life at the right time to getting me out of sticky situations and literally saving my life! Heartbreaks, car accidents, close calls, friendships, relationships, finances and career...His hands are on my life and I am so very thankful. Where would I be without his love and grace? Who would I be if Christ hadn't died and rose again?

Not only has God guided and protected me, but he spoke to me and continues to speak to me (sometimes not as much although that could be my fault, but he does). He speaks, he nudges, and he encourages me NOT to be afraid when my flesh is screaming "YOU CANNOT DO THIS!" I can be a huge punk at times (still a G though, don't mess :) ), but I am reminded that God repeatedly told his people NOT to be afraid, be brave and courageous and Jesus comforted his disciples as well. He told them not to be troubled. God does not want me to live a life based in fear and honestly that's how I lived. For a long time I operated on fear rather than love. Fear that I would fail, fear that I will never experience true love, fear that my dad would die and I'd have to live life without him. Fear was the easiest thing for me to hold on to in tough situations. It's that way for most of us. It takes self-discipline and strength to hold on to his Word when our emotions and thoughts get a hold of us. For a long time, I was a weak little thing.

What's interesting to me, what I spent a lot of time thinking about this week, is this:

God kept me even when I was not clinging to him.

God spoke to me even when I did not recognize his voice. 

When I was younger I was home alone during the afternoon (My family moved to live on the property where my dad worked so My father was busy on the property probably near the beach house and my mom was at the main house (the property had a few cottages and a main house)) I was in my room listening to music. All of a sudden, I got the sudden urge to LEAVE. I am teary eyed just thinking about it. I had no intention of going to the main house, but I left my room pretty quickly. I grabbed my phone and shoes and ran up to the main house where my mom and aunt were. They were surprised to see me and asked why I came up and all i could say was, " I don't know, just going to hang out for awhile something told me to come up." Not too long after we heard noise and my daddy and uncle talking and shouting. Turns out my uncle returned to the back of the house (where we lived) and found someone running out of the back door, which was now broken down. somebody BROKE IN and he got away. When I finally went back to the house the rooms were a MESS! The drawers were open, clothes scattered everywhere...including MY room. This person was obviously looking for money. 

I have no idea what would have happened if this person broke in and found me there. The thought alone scared me. After that event I refused to sleep at home for a few weeks (it was summer) and I never wanted to be home alone without my daddy ever again! That urge I got to leave was GOD. At the time I didn't really know it. I went to church etc. but I did not have a relationship with him personally. It comforts me to know that even though I was not, he still loved me enough to protect me and keep me safe. He did the same in my car accident. He is so faithful. I know I survived some crazy situations for a purpose! God-given purpose! My life is NOT my own. To him I BELONG. I give myself away to fulfill his will, his plans and his purpose for my life. 

Can you think of a time in your life where God kept you? The ones you know of. Trust me, God keeps us from dangers we don't even know about sometimes. Bad things may still happen to us and loved ones, we live in a sinful world, but rest assured, his children are promised an eternal home. The pain we suffer now is NOTHING compared to what Heaven will be like. He loves you. 

xoxo

Where is your confidence?

Hey everyone,

I have not written anything on here in awhile (I have been pretty BUSY and when i am not busy, i am SO tired :( ) Nonetheless, despite the fact that I am still pretty tired I decided to write something  brief and offer some encouragement to anyone who needs it. I also wanted to share some things I have been realizing these past few weeks. Bare with me :)

1.You are NOT God. Do not depend on yourself as if you are.

• I know I am about to make some independent people up in here a little mad. We live in a world that hungers for independence. Most people want to be independent. I also want to be independent and I will be honest with you guys I am nowhere close to where I want to be, but it is something I strive for daily, however I find that it is so easy to begin to think of ourselves as gods of our lives. You know how that is, you got a degree here, you making money over there, you moved out your parents house...you living it up pretty large if you know what I mean. Yes, you may be able to provide for yourself here on earth, but don't forget where the gifts, the knowledge, the skills or talent you have that allowed you to do so, came from. I had some pretty good news come my way recently and I begin to imagine the future I know God promised me in my head and I got so incredibly excited. I saw HUGE things. I am still excited. However, I had to check myself honestly, because I began to spend more time thinking about my future, instead of my God who is the REASON for my future, my dreams, my goals. I prayed silently when I realized this and said,  

                                                                                             
"Lord, I want to do big things. I want to help so many people and make a difference. I want to write books, I want to travel, I want to teach, I want to create programs for young people and women. I want to be a great mother and wife someday, but please Lord, don't EVER let me get so accomplished or do SO well that pride takes over and I forget you. I don't want to worship myself or my accomplishments. I want to worship YOU and YOU alone for the rest of my life. Help me to remain focused on you but still enjoy the gifts and blessings you send my way. " 

Not depending on yourself and acting as if you are God is so important. It's important when things are going great and it's important when things are going bad. That way, you don't beat yourself up over the cares of this world. Before I re-dedicated my life to Jesus I used to worry about EVERYTHING. Now don't get me wrong, I still have a "concerned" personality :) but, I no longer cry over things I have no control over. And if I do cry, I cry to God. I am honest with him. Do you realize God already knows everything? Yet still, turning to him and pouring our hearts out seem to be so difficult at times. He created you. He knows you. He wants us to depend on him. He wants to be our rock, our strength, our portion. The bible does not say "Cast your cares on him because he cares for you" for decoration you know! It's a command. I personally think it's a request. I imagine God looking down at his children when we stress, worry and drive ourselves crazy with life's issues, shaking his head as he speaks to us firmly and still softly " Why can't you give it to me? Why can't you lean on me? Why are you carrying around a load that you were NEVER built to carry. I am your God. Give me your heart AND your worries, I am here"

2. Do not depend on other humans. Humans are also not gods.

This one is another major one. It is easy to get caught up with thinking that another person is in control of our dreams coming true. Whether it's the hiring manager hiring you for your dream job, someone selling you the car you really need and they promised you they would etc. I don't know everything people deal with, but I do know we can depend on others way too much. Now, don't get me wrong. I am NOT saying that you should never ask for help, or accept assistance. God uses people ALL the time. Again, i will say GOD USES people all the time. Be thankful for their help, appreciate the individuals in your life who have given you opportunities and support, however, keep that gratitude in perspective. So yes they may be holding the cards to whether or not you get this job, but guess what? God is right there watching, whispering in their ear "Hire, or do not hire" either way the decision does not come to him as a surprise. It is all working out for the good of those who love the Lord. Psalm 146:3 says, " Don't put your confidence in powerful people, there is no help for you there." Where is your confidence? In other people? In yourself? Or in the Almighty? The first two are fickle, and imperfect. The last, remains the same, faithful and good. I don't know about you, but I rather trust the CREATOR of the universe over somebody who breathes, sleeps and has blood running through their veins the same way I do.

In John 12:28 Jesus said that his father will honor those who serve him. If we are truly serving Jesus and living lives that are pleasing in God's sight we really have nothing to worry about. One of my FAVORITE scriptures is Psalm 84:11 and 12. Anytime a door closes and I become sad (and it's okay to be disappointed and feel down. God gave us emotions. I don't think you should hide how you feel it's how you deal with it that truly matters), but whenever a door closes or i tell myself that I should have this, or that or I begin to get envious of somebody else I repeat it over and over. God's word is truth, my emotions are not. They do not indicate my future and the plans he has for me. If I continue to do my part he will do the rest. My heart's desires will become his desires for me and I will receive them and WANT THEM!! It reads,

" For the Lord God is our sun and shield. He gives us grace and glory. 

The Lord will withhold no good thing from those who do what is right. 

O Lord of Heaven's Armies, what joy for those who trust in you. " 

God is in control. Not you. Not powerful people. Not your boss. Not your teacher. Not your mother or whoever else. Heaven is his throne and earth is his footstool. Rest IN him and rest assured that no matter what comes your way, he will honor those who honor him. 

Be blessed guys.

xoxo. 

One day

On my way home on Wednesday I found myself staring at the sky. It was beautiful. The sun was shining, sky was blue, a few clouds and it just looked breathtaking. It made me think about Heaven and God. I imagined him sitting on his throne, looking down on the world he created. I am sure some things made him smile and I am pretty confident that many things broke his heart. This world is so messed up. The devil is having a party here and using so many people to create havoc, pain, stress, disappointments and the like. I couldn't help but thing... why aren't you coming back now? Today? 

I remembered Peter's words. He said that God was not being slow about his promise to return, he is being patient for our sake. He does not want anyone to be destroyed, he wants all to repent, however he IS coming and it will be very unexpected. I smiled to myself as I meditated on the scripture and because I keep my bible on me AT ALL TIMES :) , I opened it up and did some reading. I am at peace when I study God's word. I just feel a lot better, so much closer to him. I have people say to me all the time, " If God was real wouldn't I hear him, feel him, be close to him? I've tried. I feel nothing." And my response to that is always this, " Are you spending time with him? Are you communicating with him constantly through prayer? Are you sinning?" Just like we'd say that a person cannot have a relationship with two women or two men and be faithful to both of them and give both the required affection and attention they deserve (and no it cannot be done. there is always a "main" and a "side" or whatever) It's the same way with God. We cannot be doing our own thing, sinning continually and then wondering why we don't feel as close to God as we should. 

I'll be honest with you. When i was doing things I should not do AND still going to church and reading the bible here and there, i felt NOTHING. I would pray and i felt NOTHING. I would say i trusted God but my actions said otherwise. When we trust God, we do what he says. When we trust God, our circumstances don't break us. When we trust God, we are at peace. It was only AFTER I walked away from my strongholds/sinful behaviors is when I really got to know Jesus. I reallllly got to know him. And he is simply wonderful. He is so forgiving, so loving. It's mind blowing to know that he knows EVERYTHING i have ever done and he still loves me. He knows every bad decision, every hurt, every lie. He knows it all and he sees me as spotless in his sight now. That makes me wanna shout honestly!!! I just love him and I am so thankful for his patience. His patience gave me time to rededicate my life to him. 

Peter's advice to us believers who are waiting for his return is this: Make every effort to be found living peaceful lives that are pure and blameless in his sight. Be on guard so that we won't be carried away, and grow in grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ (2 Peter 3). I encourage you to re-read the book of Peter tonight. The world we live in is tough. Things happen that we don't understand, living in a fallen world means that will be the case. The devil has been using people as puppets for so long, getting us to do his will rather than God's. God won't ever force anybody to do anything. He is God, but he gave us free will. He wanted to create people, not robots. Some people do good with their free will and others wreak havoc and destruction with theirs. 

Let's not blame God for what is happening in this world, but yet still we choose not to talk about him openly. He's taken out of schools, even some churches aren't preaching biblical truth. A time is coming where there will be no more pain, no more suffering and I will be able to sit at my Savior's feet, kiss him and listen to him as he speaks. A time where I could walk and not have to worry about my safety. A time where I would never feel rejection, hurt or disappointment again. Heaven and the new earth will be awesome. He will create all new things and my body will be glorious! Praise God. I am so deeply in love, ya'll have no idea man. He is so faithful... so very faithful. Don't be shaken by the things happening around you. Rest. He is coming. Lord Jesus come.  

xoxo 

My letter to you today, Good Friday.

Dear *insert your name here*

Today, I remember the cross and what it stands for me: the suffering, the physical pain, the humiliation, the blood shed and the rejection. Jesus, the only perfect man to live on this earth, died a horrific death for me and you. He was completely innocent. He did not deserve the punishment he received, but yet still he did. As horrible at the cross is for what took place on Calvary, and yes, my heart breaks when I think about what Jesus went through. I can't help but be filled with joy because for me the cross represents true love.

Unconditional, sacrificial, selfless, humble, giving and pure love. It was because of the Father and Jesus' love for me that he chose to die a horrific death that he did not deserve. It was because he wants me to be a citizen of heaven and not of a fading world that he came down to earth (giving up his splendor and riches in heaven) to become a man and live the life of a servant. It's because of his compassion and mercy. It's who he is. Love.

He suffered so I won't have to. The whippings, the beatings that tore into his flesh, the nails pounded in his hands and feet, carrying a heavy cross as he bore the sins of the entire world. He was laughed at and they spat on him. The Son of God, God created everything through him and nothing was created except through him, the Word itself..and they treated him like he was worthless and a sinner. The book of John states, that he came into the very world he created, but was not recognized. His very own people rejected him (John 1) If you are a parent, can you imagine being rejected from your own child and treated that way? Yet still, the same world that God created rejected him. They rejected him in the past before Jesus was born, and when he came in the flesh to save the world they rejected him again. Yet still, he died. Why? Love.

The physical agony was horrible, but the spiritual separation from God when Jesus was on that cross was a million times worst. Remember when he was praying in the garden before being arrested? Before leaving he told his disciples his soul was crushed with grief to the point of death (matthew 26:38) That sounds like depression doesn't it? As a counselor, depression is a serious illness. It's not a simple feeling of sadness. It's a type of feeling that leaves you feeling like you are experiencing death itself and your ability to function is deterred. You need help. Jesus even asked his disciples to stay up and keep watch with him. He needed their support. However, he did not rely solely on his disciples (we see they failed anyway because they fell asleep) but he turned to his Father. He prayed. He poured his heart out and even when he asked for help and he let the Father know "hey, this hard, if there is any way that I can get out of this and we can still save our people let me know, but your will be done, not mine." (my interpretation :) ) That shows me that when Jesus felt like he couldn't make it, depression, when the troubles of this world come (and troubles will come) he turned to God in prayer, that is what I am to do as well. He cried out on the cross, "Eli, Eli, lema sabachthani?" My God, my God, why have you abandoned me?" He was temporarily separated from God the moment he took on the sins of the entire world. That was the ultimate torture. He experienced alientation from God so we would never have to experience eternal separation from God. Why? Love.

When he looked down and saw his mother, weeping, screaming (I can only imagine what that must have been like for Mary) her first born son, in pain. dying..he tells her, Dear woman, here is your son" and to John, he says, here is your mother." (john 19:26-27) Even in his death, he was still loving, still looking out for the needs of others. He knew his mother would need help. That's the kind of Savior and God we serve. One who is ever faithful, ever loving, caring about our needs and  us. Don't you ever for a minute begin to think that God does not care about your needs. He created you, he knows what you need.

And lastly, he said, "It is finished". His head bowed, and he died.

His death makes me a child of God. His death gives me the opportunity to come humbly, and still boldly to the throne of God in confidence that he hears my cries, that he listens and speaks back to me. His death gives me reassurance that since I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and personal Savior and live a life that is pleasing, honoring and glorifying his name that one day when he returns again, I will be either resurrected from the dead or lifted up in the clouds in heaven (should i still be alive) to reign with him and my heavenly Father for eternity. Oh Jesus. Precious, loving, humble, awesome, just amazing man Jesus. King of Kings and Lord of Lords. His message to us today, is not only that he loves us oh so much, but "Yes, I am coming soon!" (revelation 22:20)

One of my favorite songs to listen to is: How he loves us, by Anthony Evans... listen to it today. Happy Good Friday ya'll. Let us not forget the cross. Love you all!!

xoxo

The Best Wine

 Jesus turning water into wine. 

The next day there was a wedding celebration in the village of Cana in Galilee. Jesus' mother was there, and Jesus and his disciples were also invited to the celebration. The wine supply ran out during the festivities, so Jesus' mother told him, "They have no more wine". Dear woman, that's not our problem, "Jesus replied. "My time has not yet come." But his mother told the servants, "Do whatever he tells you." Standing nearby were six stone water jars, used for Jewish ceremonial washing. Each could hold twenty to thirty gallons. Jesus told the servants, " Fill the jars with water." When the jars had been filled, he said, "Now dip some out, and take it to the master of ceremonies." So the servants followed his instructions.
When the master of the ceremonies tasted the water that was now wine, not knowing where it had come from (though of course the servants knew) he called the bridegroom over. "A host always serves the best wine first, he said, " Then when everyone has had a lot to drink, he brings out the less expensive wine. But you have kept the best until now!" This miraculous sign at Cana in Galilee was the first time Jesus revealed his glory. And his disciples believed in him. After the wedding he went to Capernaum for a few days with his mother, his brothers and his disciples. (JOHN 2)

Discussion:

Jesus' mother told the servants to do whatever Jesus told them to do. And we clearly see that they obeyed. They did not ask any questions, they did not tweak his instructions to suit what they felt they should do. They obeyed. How often do we try to tweak or twist what we know we need to do because it'll be MUCH easier to do it another way? Just because something is easy doesn't mean it's correct. Also, did you notice that Jesus gave the servants their instructions in steps? Read the story again. He told them to FILL the jars with water first. It was only AFTER they filled the jars did he tell them what to do next, which was dip some out and take it to the master of ceremonies. He could have told them all at once i'm sure. I doubt their memory was THAT bad that they would have forgotten, but he chose not to. Why was that? I have a feeling that he did it that way to test their faith and their obedience.

God provides instructions in steps. He won't tell you step B if you have not shown him that you can obey him with step A. You can never get to the top step on the 2nd floor if you don't move your feet and take one step at time. Yes, we'd all love to fly to the top step, but just like walking the stairs is exercise and strengthens our muscles, taking the long way up and obeying God as he gives you instructions, strengthens you as well. Even in the story where Jesus fed the 5,000. He told the disciples FIRST, tell everyone to sit down. It was AFTER they were seated that he took the loaves and gave thanks. And it was after everyone was full that Jesus told them to pack up the leftovers. What are you being told to do right now?Do you find yourself wondering why you can't figure out your purpose or what God has called you to do? That was me all day, every day. I wanted to know what I was going to do with my life, where I was going to be, who I would be married to, when I would have kids etc., especially the career and relationship area. Those were always my main focuses. No matter how determined I was to figure things out I'd hear this gentle voice say, " Why do you need to know everything? Can't you just trust God and do what he is telling you to do now and wait for the second step?"

Another important thing to take away is that Jesus initially said, "My time has not yet come". Now, he still did the miracle and why he did it after saying that could be discussed, but what baffles me is that Jesus, The Son of God, works on a schedule. God is the author of time. He created it and yet still he says ever so often "Not yet, it's not time." This was not the last time Jesus said my time has not yet come either. What are you getting depressed about? What have you been worrying about receiving or doing? If it's not happening, it could be that it's simply not your time. Does that mean it will never happen? No. We need to understand that God can give us desires, or show us our purpose for our life, career, relationships, finances etc. but just because he shows you something does not mean it will happen right away. Stop trying to turn your future into your present. My path has changed slightly and I know what God has called me to do. It was not my original plan, but lately, my desires have changed. Now, because I know what I will be doing in 10 years I could try to rush it to make it happen now. I mean, God showed me his plans for me right? But, even though I'd be doing what he's called me to do, I would still be OUTSIDE his will because he did not tell me to go and make it happen. He just answered my prayer and showed me.

"The vision is for a future time. It describes the end, and it will be fulfilled. If it seems slow in coming, wait patiently, for it will surely take place. It will not be delayed." Habakkuk 2:3

God does not delay. He is always right on time. 

Lastly, the results of the servants obedience and faith is also a lesson. The master of ceremonies praised the bridegroom. "This wine is ALL that" lol (my interpretation) It was the best he said. The product of our obedience will always create the best stories, best success, best everything in our life. Those who hope in the Lord will not be disappointed. Too many times we act as though if we do life God's way that life will be boring or just average. You are walking on an entire new level when you do things his way. He's got you. You have to live like you believe it. It is impossible to please God without faith.

So spend some time reflecting. What is God asking you to do that you have not done because you are waiting for him to tell you more or something else? What are you worrying about when it's simply not your time? And lastly, Don't you want a story or a life that's ALL THAT? The best? Anything Jesus puts his hands on never remains the same. He made the lame walk, the blind see, raised the dead, turned water into wine and fed 5000 people with a few fish and loaves of bread. He multiplies!!! I want him touching my life. I want him holding my life.

God bless!!

2 Kings 5: 10-14 (new international version)

 Elisha sent a messenger to say to him, "Go, wash yourself seven times in the Jordan and your flesh will be restored and be cleansed." But Naaman went away angry and said, "I thought that he would surely come out to me and stand and call on the name of the Lord his God, wave his hand over the spot and cure me of my leprosy. Are not Abana and Pharpa, the rivers of Damascus, better than all the waters of Israel? Couldn't  I wash in them and be cleansed?" So he turned and went off in a rage. Naaman's servants went to him and said, "My father if the prophet had told you to do some great thing, would you not have done it? How much more, then, when he tells you, "wash and be cleansed!" So he went down and dipped himself in the Jordan seven times, as the man of God had told him, and his flesh was restored and became clean like that of a young boy.

Brief overview: Naaman was an important person in his country. He was the commander of his army and the King of Aram (where he lived) admired him greatly because he was a mighty warrior. However, he suffered from leprosy which was a really bad disease that affected the skin back in those days. Most people with leprosy was actually quarantined in places because it was a contagious, and often times incurable disease that  ended in death. Naaman's leprosy could have been in the early stages which explained why he still had his post as commander. Nonetheless, leprosy was anything but cute or enjoyable, early stages or not, so he wanted to be healed. It was Naaman's wife's servant girl, who happened to be an Israelite, that served the role as the person to tell him about the prophet that could heal him. Naaman decided to do this and traveled to Israel to meet Elisha. 

Now let's get back to this. So Naaman arrives at this prophet's (Elisha) house and is shocked and in fact angry that he does not step out of his house to meet him. Remember, this was an important man. Not only was he used to being treated with the utmost respect, but in his head he's probably thinking "I even brought gifts for this man and he's not even coming out to MEET ME??" In addition to that, Naaman could not believe what he was hearing. Elisha wanted him to wash in the Jordan river. He was expecting him to say some fancy prayer perhaps, look into the heavens, make him repeat a few things, maybe rub some special holy ointment on his body or something. No way did he expect this man to tell him to dip in the Jordan River.  The Jordan river? This river was small and dirty. He was used to clean, beautiful, big things.

Naaman was heated. He was beyond angry. I am sure I would be too. I traveled all this way for this? There is no way I am going to be healed. Thankfully, Naaman had a pretty smart servant. Scroll back to the top and read what he said, I actually bolded it. Long story short he pretty much said, "With all due respect sir, this man has told you to do something really simple. This task should be much easier than if he asked you to do something bigger or more difficult. If it was hard, you would have done it, how much easier should it be for you to obey because it's simple?" We were not told Naaman's response or reaction, perhaps he resisted for a bit or maybe he came to his senses and simply obeyed. Regardless of what happened during that conversation we do know that Naaman dipped in the Jordan river, not once, twice, but seven times and he came up healed on that seventh time!!!

There were so many things I took away from this short story when I read it this time around. I've heard the story as a child in Sabbath school, but reading these stories and studying the bible after you've experienced some bits and pieces of life and gaining spiritual maturity is another story. I want to share some things I took away and some things for you to think about as well.

Firstly, obedience begins with humility. Naaman had to lose his pride before he dipped in the Jordan. If he never humbled himself to wash in the Jordan, he would not have received his healing, his blessing. Is pride a struggle for you? It may not come in the form of dipping in a river, but maybe you have a job that you think is below your qualifications and intelligence, but God is trying to show you that you are there for a reason. Or maybe you're working too many jobs because you like buying expensive things and God wants you to have only one job so you can do volunteer work on the side, but you refuse to because of the money. Perhaps you are holding onto a grudge with someone that you should be reconciling with, but you can't because you don't want to look weak or be the first one to apologize. Our pride can hold us back from so much, maybe at that job that's below you, you'll meet a really good friend, or maybe if you started working for free and doing some volunteer work, you'd do such a great job and get hired for something else with a better pay. And maybe, if you called that friend up that you don't speak to anymore, you could rekindle a relationship that will bring you comfort in the future. The fact is we don't know what will be the end result of our obedience. Seek humility, and obedience becomes that much easier. Also, good things don't always have to come in packages that "look" good. God could have commanded Elisha to tell him to use a larger, cleaner river, but he did not. Why the Jordan? I think it's because the message behind that is more important. God can use anything and any situation, poor, rich, ugly, gorgeous, clean or dirty. He'll use it. If we sought humility more these things would not be pressing.

God's ways are best and he wants our obedience more than anything. To love God is to obey God, remember? Don't forget it. We can scream I love you Lord from the rooftops, but our actions will show whether we truly do or not. Naaman also expected his healing to "look/be done a certain way". How many times do we allow our expectations and what we want to step in the way of our healing or blessing? This one was a big one for me. I had so many expectations and plans and guess what, 9/10 of my expectations did not turn out the way I wanted it to. I needed that lesson. At times we think way too highly of ourselves than we ought to and we act like gods of our own lives. You are NOT God. There is nothing wrong with having plans and creating goals. Have plans, have goals, but ALWAYS make sure it's what God wants and if you are not sure, then leave room for him changing it a few times.

What i mean by that is this, don't let your expectations keep you from your blessing just because it did not come packaged the way you thought it would. God is a God of wonder. He works in mysterious ways and uniquely in all of our lives. In Isaiah 49:23 God himself says, "Those who hope in me will not be disappointed." God can use anything to accomplish his purposes, even the dirty Jordan river. :)

So today I encourage you to reflect on your life, thoughts and actions you take on a daily basis. Who or what are you placing your hope in? If God wanted you to do something extraordinary, something that appears so challenging to our visible eye would you do it? Or what if he wanted you to do something really simple, like apologize to someone, to give a 20 dollar bill to a stranger in need would you do it? Naaman was cleansed from leprosy that day as he dipped in the Jordan River. We too need daily cleansing. Thank God for the blood of Jesus. Purify yourself physically, mentally and emotionally. Dip seven times. It's so simple and on the other side of your obedience is healing for your body, mind and soul. God bless you all!!

Zake

Forgiven

God loves you. Right where you are, regardless of what you've done or even what you're doing that you KNOW you should not be doing, he still loves you. He hates sin and can have no part with it because he is God and HOLY (hence why Jesus came and died on the cross, now we can be right with God and approach him humbly and boldly at the same time, whew! praise him!) This post is for the person who is walking with Christ now and trying to live right now, but your past keeps creeping back. This could be in the form of others "reminding" you of how you used to be or maybe the guilt of your past behaviors and mistakes  are still controlling you. You've asked for forgiveness, you are no longer doing the same mistakes or things you used to, you've accepted Jesus as your Savior, you're reading the bible and going to church etc. You are doing all this and growing in your relationship with him, but you still carry baggage and not good enough feelings with you on a daily basis. We are told to guard our hearts for a reason. You can't afford to entertain EVERY thought that enters your mind or every feeling that may come your way. Living a life based on pure emotions is dangerous and so draining. I wore myself out when I lived that way. Seriously. You have to live life based on truth. 

What is truth? Truth is knowing that yes, I may feel like crap right now, or this person really made me mad over this situation, but I KNOW that I will get over it and it's not a big deal so i refuse to stress myself over this. Truth is KNOWING and BELIEVING that when Christ enters your life (for real, for real) and you start living like it and you ask him for forgiveness, your sins are forgiven and God remembers them no more. He's not saying, " Well, Nto on x,y, z date you did this and it was wrong, I did not forget about that" I am blameless in his sight. Those past sins have no power over me anymore. I am forgiven. 

We live our lives not simply according to what we know, but rather what we believe. 

Do you believe that God has forgiven you? I love Psalms 103. Take some time and read the entire psalm. It's so beautiful, so comforting, a must read for everyone. Verses 8 through 13 says this (according to new living translation version): 

" The Lord is compassionate and merciful, slow to get angry and filled with unfailing love. He will not constantly accuse us, nor remain angry forever. He does not punish us for all our sins deserve. For his unfailing love toward those who fear him is as great as the height of the heavens above the earth. He has removed our sins as far from us as the east is from the west. The Lord is like a father to his children, tender and compassionate to those who fear him." 

Such perfect love. You won't ever find this type of love anywhere. You know how HARD it is to forgive someone who has hurt you, truly forgive them? You may still keep them in your life and you may genuinely love them, but ever so often what they did may creep in your thoughts, you feel the hurt all over again and when they do something else, you find yourself bringing up what they did in the PAST in their face. Yup, you haven't truly forgiven if you did. I still have a few people in my life that I need to really forgive. I pray about this daily (with a host of other things :) ) However, this post is for those who need to forgive themselves. Let it go. God loves you. He has forgiven you. His love for you runs so deep. His compassion is like nothing you will ever find. You won't find that in no man or no woman for sure. I can tell you that much. I honestly believe only when you have completely surrendered your life to God, yearn for him with a never ending passion and allow his love to mold you, allow him to teach you his ways including how to TRULY LOVE, will you be capable of loving another human being with a love that is so incredible and passionate. You will learn how to love yourself and others better. Don't dwell on the past, what you did, what you did not do. Start anew today. You can do all things through Christ who strengthens you. 

Say this prayer,

"Dear Heavenly Father,

Your word says you love me and when I honestly ask for forgiveness you remember my sins no more. When I feel guilty and begin to dwell on my past, help me to let it go and give it to you Lord. I need your help to forgive others and myself. Thank you for forgiving me and loving me regardless of the heartbreak I caused you when I sinned. You are so worthy, so faithful, filled with mercy and compassion. I want to live for you and love you with all my heart. Help me to obey your word, because that pleases you and shows that I really love you. Guide me in all truth Father. In Jesus, precious name I pray. 

Amen

I love you all :) 

Nto 

Are you wearing your own shoes?

Most people sing in the shower, I usually practice my acting skills, create some dramatic scenes here and there or talk to Jesus. Yes, I spend time in prayer in the shower. The bible tells us to pray without ceasing, so that means I'll pray any and anywhere when needed :) Now let me get back to why I decided to write this. So yes, I was in the shower and I just found myself thinking about role models and mentors. I read a blog written by my sister in Christ earlier this week (such a great blog! She is awesome) and I began to think about my role models, mentors and overall people I looked up to and admired for several reasons. I admire older women who are professionals working hard at their careers, a career that I see myself doing for the rest of my life, God's willing. I admire women who experienced hurt, loss, pain, disappointments and are now living a life filled with love and purpose. I admire women who might have made some mistakes in the past, but have learned from them and applied the lessons learned.  Most of all, I admire women who are have totally and completely surrendered their life to Christ, who clearly have a heart for God and are walking in his purpose. They do things God's way, not the world's way anymore and others can clearly see the fruit in their lives. I admire and respect these type of women wholeheartedly. However, sometimes we take our admiration for our role models are bit too far and miss out on what it's really supposed to be about. I'll explain.

There is nothing wrong with having a mentor, a role model or admiring someone. As, I mentioned before I have a few. I also enjoy mentoring others and I hope to be the type of woman someone looks up to one day. However, as I took my shower I truly believe God placed a message in my heart because I was not even thinking about this, it just suddenly came to me outta nowhere. A message for you reading this, but for me as well. He said: " Yes, having mentors and looking up to other people (everyone should NOT be your role model/mentor. )is good, valuable and necessary, but I want you to observe their steps and take away the overall guideline, NOT walk in their steps and become like them. You are to become more like me." 

There is a difference between learning from someone and our attempt to walk in their steps identically. God has a specific story line for your life. Your story should be different from Susan, Jane's and Mary's. I truly believe God places mentors in our lives not so we can copy them and do everything they do, but so we can see that:
1. God is still working in the lives of his children. He did it for them, he'll do it for you. 
2. So you can ask questions and gain encouragement when you feel discouraged. 
3. To help inspire you

You sell yourself short if you expect, want or purposely try to force your steps and life story to look like someone else's. There were times when I became discouraged when I looked at the lives of others, either professionally, relationship wise and especially their relationship with God and I felt like I was failing. I felt like I was not doing enough, that I should have a committed relationship by now, that I was not as close to God as I should be because this person's relationship seems like it's on point etc.! It was crazy. I slowly began to realize that hey, I can only be me. These people did what God called them to do and he gave them the steps to do it with an overall guideline. I also should follow the overall guideline (for eg. spending alone time with God, getting an education etc.) BUT my steps may look completely different from theirs. My situations, my setbacks, my success stories may look completely different from theirs and that's okay. At the end of the day we both will accomplish what God called us to do, but we will each have our own unique story. Our story may have some similarities, but they will never be identical, nor should it be. How boring is that?

Mentoring can be great! Looking up to people who are doing what you want to do is wonderful, but don't ruin the experience and what it can be by working so hard to emulate what they already have by pressuring yourself to take their steps. Let it flow. Do your part and allow God do the rest. It's between you and him anyway...not them. I'd love to hear your thoughts on role models, mentoring, etc. Do you think it serves more good than bad? Do you have a mentor/role model? How have they helped you grow? Feel free to share in the comment box below!

xoxo

http:/jessieljay.blogspot.com 

Brooklyn Tabernacle!

Last Sunday I visited The Brooklyn Tabernacle for the very first time. I had this strong feeling in my gut that I was supposed to visit and I couldn't quite explain why it was that church, but I decided to go for certain the night before. I went on to their website to look up the service times and the directions, saved the information in my phone, charged my phone and my portable charger (android battery life sucks) and went to bed pretty early!

The next morning I woke up to snow on the ground and I thought, "seriously!!!ughh". The news said that it would probably snow some more later that day and I began to tell myself, "Just stay home, don't go, you can always go next week etc." Not to mention that once I was dressed it began snowing lightly again. Despite that I was determined to shut down my thoughts (and the devil, im convinced he didnt want me there 1:nto 0:satan) and head to Brooklyn by myself. I said a prayer before leaving that sounded something like this, "God, I don't know why you want me attending, but I will obey you, protect me, guide me and let me get there safely please. amen"

I honestly thought I would end up lost but, to my surprise I found the church with ease (GO ME! :) ) I stepped in and thought "Wow, this is pretty big!" as I looked for a seat. The ushers were nice and everyone seemed excited and anxious to be there which only increased my excitement. I was so ready to pour my heart out to Jesus during praise and worship. I will admit, I was looking forward to hearing the choir sing and yes they killed it as usual! The entire atmosphere was filled with God's holy presence. I truly felt it. I never felt anything like it. Hands raised, glorifying God, I felt the Holy Spirit in my body. I thought maybe God wanted me here to hear the choir, give my offering here or something.

That was before Pastor Cymbala preached. Yes, the praise and worship experience was amazing and it gave me an opportunity to worship with a church community, but the sermon was for me. God wanted me to hear that. He preached on Ephesians 6:10-12. Now Ephesians 6 is special to me because when I first began walking with Christ intentionally and decided that I needed to experience God's love on my own, I had a dream that I was bound in chains on a chair, monsters and demons all around me and all I kept screaming was ephesians 6, ephesians 6. I had no clue what it was about, so the next morning I woke up and read it and I was in tears. Paul instructs us to put on the full, FULL armor of God to withstand the devil's attacks and to live here on earth until Christ's return. It was an answer to my question the night before because that night I got fed up of how I was feeling I cried out to God, "How do I do this?" I cant do this! Show me!

Fast forward to recently again. Recently I've had questions about spiritual warfare and why does God even allow his people to go through it. You know I posted earlier "Lord do you care?" As much as I had a smile on my face and I was encouraging others through tweets etc. a part of me began questioning lately if God really loved me. This christian walk is not easy. Temptations fly at you a mile a minute!! It's easy to fall back into sin. I have my dark moments too, I just never talk about it...to anyone, including my friends. The sermon spoke about this and the reasons behind it and how we can conquer etc. When he began preaching, most importantly when he said what he would be preaching on, my eyes began watering. It all made sense. He wanted me there for this very purpose. I had been asking him and I was expecting the answer to come in the form of a dream because that's what happened the first time.

I won't go into details about the sermon because I do not want this to be too long, but I am pretty sure they post sermons on their website and I encourage you to check it out and listen to it. It may speak to you and be just what you need as well. However, my point in sharing all this is to tell you don't limit God to your expectations. He works in mysterious ways and he works in different, unusual ways. You know we get so caught up with how things worked in the past that we are afraid to try something new. We get so used to God handling our problems in one way that when he is trying to use a different, better way; we lose our blessing because we miss it or simply don't want to believe it. I expected to get my answers and peace through a dream, God wanted to use someone and my experience at Brooklyn Tabernacle to speak to me instead. Don't doubt the way he speaks and the people in your life, strangers included, that he can use to get to you. What a mighty God we serve. I just love him! He is awesome!! I am in awe when I think about how powerful he really is. Do you guys realize he created the universe by speaking?!!! Who does that?! Insane! There is nothing he can't do. Nothing is impossible for him. As i say all the time, You might not think it's best for you, but God always knows best. And as BIG as he is, as POWERFUL as God is, sometimes he speaks to us in the most simplest ways. He was a gentle whisper to Elijah...and to me he was that indescribable gut feeling that told me to go to church in Brooklyn that day and he spoke through Pastor Cymbala as well. How is he speaking to you?

Do you care Lord?

The other night I had some quiet time and I was studying and listening to Jesus Culture pandora station. I wasn't feeling like myself and the thoughts that were running through my mind focused on my feelings, desires, hope for my future and a major problem I was dealing with. I stopped reading and asked God, " DO you care at all about what I want?" I am sure he must have been like, " Who does she think she is talking  to?" I was utterly frustrated and at the point of just giving up. "Can you see how frustrated and broken I am Lord? I am trying to walk with you. I see so many things happening for people who don't even believe in you , have you forgotten me? At least I am actually TRYING! Why can't I feel you anymore, hear you? Am I missing something? SHOW ME. SPEAK TO ME. You did it before, Please do it again."

I laid in bed for about 10-20 minutes waiting to hear from him or for someone to call me or something! I had tears in my eyes at this point. I decided to go to bed once I didn't feel any change or read something in the bible that stood out to me. (I am pretty sure I read a lot of scriptures that were for me, but my spirit was not into it like before). As i took the light off, went under the covers and closed my eyes this simple thought came to mind, for the first time. " He cares about your desires. He feels and is broken knowing you feel this way, but he cares way more about YOU. He cares about YOU more than what you want."

I think at times we get so caught up in what we think we want or need that we forget that God really knows best. As much as he hates to see his children in pain, broken, lonely, frustrated and hurting, he will not give us our desire or request if it is bad for us or the wrong timing. All we see is a page at a time, maybe not even a page.. we see a line :). God has access to the entire story. He wrote the script. Trust his timing. Is it hard? Yes. Will you feel down at times? Perhaps. Will you fall and make a mistake based on a feeling? You may. Will it be hard to trust? It may be. But, when you do experience all these things and trusting God is hard, be honest with him. Talk to him. Tell him how you are feeling. Pour out to him. I know you want to run. Trust me. I have been there. Sometimes I still run from God. I would know I need to talk to him about something, but either because of guilt or disappointment in the fact that I failed to trust him completely and hold on to my  faith, I would avoid going to him in prayer. It is silly, because he already knows how we feel and our thoughts. Trust me, there is nothing you can confess to Jesus that would make him love you less. If you have difficulty trusting him ever, say this prayer.

Lord,
I can't do this on my own. I want to trust your timing. I know you are in control, but I just don't feel it. Help me not to rely on my feelings, but rather rest in your promises to me and your word. I want to trust you more. My faith is weak. Help me Jesus. Thank you for your grace, mercy and love which continues to shower me. I love you, help me to be more obedient to show my love. In Jesus name I pray. Amen.

Be blessed.

Christian, Woman and Still Single?

My Daughter,

 

You are right where you are supposed to be. So many people have theories and insights on how couples are to come together and the truth is that many miss it by interpreting what they want rather than what I choose. A man pursuing…a girl refusing, these are not necessarily the optimal conditions for mate selection. Adam did not “pursue” the Woman, nor did she spend her time creating ways to make it challenging for him to do so. Just like one’s purpose or date of birth and death, it is I who determines the “who, when, and where” of authentic and spirit-led matrimony and intimacy. It is the responsibility of both parties to follow as I, and I only lead.

 

You are not waiting on some man to “get his act together” or “see you for who you really are”, and no matter how it may appear to you in the physical realm, in the spiritual sense, “he” is right on schedule; my schedule. You are not to be listening to what man says, no matter what form the voice may reveal itself (media, tradition, statistics, naysayers, etc.). Remember, I decided when it was time for Adam to receive the miracle of female assistance and so if you have an issue with physical time, don’t take that up with anyone other than me; even then, know that I have your best interest at heart. Far too many of my daughters are consuming themselves with fear and anxiety about things that are really none of their concern. My ways are not your ways and until I unite you with the one you are purposed to benefit, his whereabouts and activities are not to be a priority to you. If you have not been joined to him yet, it’s simply because it’s not the right moment. He is not ready and neither are you. There are finishing touches that must be placed on you both and no matter how you may feel or what you might think, I am a God of order. I will not be pressured to move outside of my plan. 

I know it must be hard. Flesh never likes to submit to my will. But please let me continue to mold you. Before you ever existed, you were hand-selected for someone and that has not changed. As the Creator, I am excited about my handiwork. Don’t go looking for answers to questions you are not able to conceptualize or present in a way that will intimidate me to react or respond. As I did with your parents, let me have the pleasure of presenting you as a gift to your mate. Ask your mother and father if they will ever forget the first time they saw your face. I want “him” to experience a similar thrill. If you want to channel out your energies, get excited about how excited I am about you; about how blessed I know he will be to have you!

 

Again, don’t concern yourself about the time. I am timeless. Concern yourself instead with remaining in my hands so that I can perfect you to be all that he needs— so that when it’s the right moment, there will be no fear, no hesitation, no question that you are indeed the one that he is meant to live out the rest of his days on the earth with. Far too many women are not praised on their wedding day by their husbands in the way I would’ve liked because they did not allow me the opportunity to complete them to be what was required, and the man was not discerning enough to know the true purpose that his companion was meant to serve in his life.

 

I want more for you. Love me enough to let me give it to you. Just as you are to be a blessing to him, he is to be provider and protector for you; he is to bless you as well in ways even your prayers have yet to articulate, but in my infinite wisdom, I know you deserve.

 

Remember, above all else that, like faith, marriage is a spiritual union. This is the time to remove yourself from your senses, from what the physical is telling you and tap into your spirit. This is when you can please me most by standing and believing that I am true to my Word…even when you don’t see, feel or hear evidence of its manifestation. The Spirit always moves at what you all call “light years” ahead of the flesh. It takes it some time to catch up. (Hebrews 11:6) Be patient. (I Corinthians 13:4)

 

Stay in my will and I will show you the way—a way that leads to love, bliss and happiness. A place where you will feel naked and not ashamed…until death parts you. A place where your future husband will restfully await you.

 

I love you. Be still and know. Really know. I do. 

 

Your Heavenly Father

 

©Shellie R. Warren/2008